Ryan's Life

Making New Friends

2011-05-28T12:58:00.000-07:00

I have been in LA for 2 months now. I really like the city but making friends has been difficult. My work schedule is a large barrier. If I worked normal hours than I would be able to join a small group at church and would be able to consistantly connect with people. It's not like I haven't met anyone, I have, but seeing people on a weekly basis (besideds co workers and roomates) has been largely absent. Making post college friendships in general has been a challange. It's a lot more difficult than it used to be.

Life Update 5/11/2011

2011-05-11T13:05:00.000-07:00

Moved to LA about a month and a half ago. I like it out here. Nice to be in a really big city with the beach close by. Started going to a church called Reality LA which I really like. I find myself getting frustrated by my lack of involvment which is somewhat related to my crazy work schedule. The lease ends at my current place at the end of June. Not sure where I will be living after that. Work is moving offices to the Carson/Torrance area which is about 15 minutes farther away from where it currently is in El Segundo.

Life Lately

2011-02-21T22:43:00.000-08:00

I've been working at my new job for close to a month now. It's been so nice to be working again. The company is growing really quickly and we are running out of space at our current office. They recently implemented a night shift which is what I'm now working. I start at 3:30 and get off at midnight. It's not as bad as it sounds. I like being able to do stuff during the day. It's also really cool being able to enjoy most of my free time after getting some sleep insted of getting off work and feeling drained from an 8 hr day and 45-60 mins of traffic on the way home. It feels so good to be productive and to be out and about. Still not sure where I will be going to church. I'm living in LB but I'm not sure how long I'm going to be here for. The longest I will be at my current place is until the end of this month. My roomate's lease is ending and I'm not sure if I'm going to stay in the area or move closer to LA. We will see.

New Job. New Opportunities.

2011-01-25T11:03:00.000-08:00

I just got a new job! I'm going to be a working for a company right by LAX that turns pictures and film into digital images. I'm currently looking for a place to live close to Downtown LA or Hollywood. So many changes are/will be happening in the next few weeks. It's exciting!

2011

2010-12-31T11:58:00.000-08:00

On the verge of the new year people can be filled with anxious anticipation of what might happen during the next 365 days. Will it be better than this year? Or, how could we possibly top this year? What's going to happen? I guess I'm just hoping that 2011 be better than this year. Not that this year was a complete dud I would like to think that life will get better and better with every year that goes by.

18 Months

2010-12-20T19:54:00.001-08:00

I've been out of college now for a year and a half. It's been one heck of a ride so far. Lots of highs, lows and plateaus. I find myself unemployed for the 2nd time since graduation. Out of the 18 months that I have been out of school I have been jobless for 8 of those. I have an interview tomorrow for a job which I really would like to get. A job is not the complete answer to all of my problems but it would help solve a few. Looking for jobs has been a frustrating experience. I've applied for around 100 positions so far but have only interviewed, face to face, for around 5 of those. Lately I haven't been looking as dilligently as I once did. Looking on job boards hasn't shown to be that effective for me. It shouldn't be this difficult to land a job but unfortunately it is. I want to return to normalcy. I feel like I'm in the dugout just waiting to get into the ballgame.

Where Am I Going?

2010-10-24T11:08:00.000-07:00

I have no idea where my life is headed. It's not completely a bad thing. Part of me really enjoys it. After coming home from Boston a couple of weeks ago I totally wanted to come back (or to NY). I'm back in Massachusetts currently for a few job interviews. I'm not sure whats going to happen while I'm out here. I bought a one way ticket in case I did get a job and decide to stay out here. It's been hitting me more and more that I might not be coming back home for awhile. Part of me is totally ok with that. I feel like I was leaving a mediocre situation. I wasn't loving my life situation. But then part of me more recently has been feeling a little sad about the things I will be giving up. Quality time with my family and friends will be only achievable through phone calls and occasional visits. I could be back home enjoying all of the old things in a week or two if I don't get a job or have a change of heart. Or, I could be staying out on the East Coast for awhile. Adventure lies ahead... wherever I'm at.

Boston

2010-10-09T19:40:00.000-07:00

I'm about to head to the airport in just a few mins. I don't want to go home. I'm planning on getting a seasonal/retail job out here for a few months. I figure that way it will help me see if I really like it out here and can see if I can survive the cold weather. Hopefully I will be back soon.

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2010-09-26T22:09:00.000-07:00

I find it hard to stay positive being unemployed. I wish I had a better looking resume to send out. I wish someone in college would have told me that my work experience was more important than my degree. I would have pursued a better job than being a server at a steakhouse. I'm pigeonholed in the customer service industry. Foolishly in college I thought that just having a college degree would make me eligible for a lot of different jobs.

One Week, A Few Questions

2010-09-23T14:17:00.001-07:00

My rent is due again in about a week. I'm not sure if I'm going to move back home to my parents' house or what. I'm supposed to have an interview really soon for a company that I would love to work for. If I get that job I would move to the Santa Monica area, which I would be excited about. If I don't get that job I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Should I collect unemployment while I look for a decent job? Should I take a couple part time jobs til something better comes along? Being unemployed is very boring. I just feel restless, frustrated and a mixture of other negative feelings. It is nice to get the extra sleep but not knowing what next week looks like is kinda scary.

4am Blog Post

2010-09-15T04:11:00.000-07:00

I'm unemployed once again. I hated being unemployed last year after graduating from college. Although I did not like my previous job, I was thankful to have it. Just having something to keep me from the boredom of doing nothing was nice. Who knows what's going to come out of this?

Should I move to the East Coast?

2010-06-06T10:43:00.001-07:00

I'm currently debating whether I should move across the country with my friend Mark. I would move to some suburb close to Boston. I don't think I'm going to do it, but who knows. Being 3,000+ miles away from all my friends and family doesn't sound too appealing. It would be cool to do something new and crazy though. It's hard to make a decision since I have never set foot in Massachusetts and haven't felt the East Coast air since I was three years old when my family took a trip to Disney World. I'm planning on joining Mark on his journey out there from Louisville to Boston. If I like it, there is a chance I would move there. But if I don't fall in love with it, I plan on staying close to the beautiful California coast.

Update

2010-06-06T10:37:00.000-07:00

Man, I haven't updated this thing in awhile. A lot has happened since my last post almost a year ago. Haha. I've been working at a Chase bank down in South OC since last November. It's so nice having a job! Being unemployed was one of the strangest stages of my life. I moved out to Costa Mesa shortly after getting my job. I moved out of that appartment a little over a month ago into a townhouse in Tustin. I'm still trying to navigate my way through the real world which isn't as cool as I thought it would be.

College

2009-07-29T10:37:00.001-07:00

My four years at CSUF were pretty life changing. I've changed so much since I was a young freshman back in the fall of 2005. I thought it would be cool to do a breakdown of each of the four years that I spent as a Titan.

Freshman year (2005-2006)- This was my first time living away from home. It was an adjustment period. I ended up going home every weekend. It was good to take a break from eating tv dinners and get a home cooked meal as well as do laundry. I went to Campus Crusade for Christ after going to their high school ministry, Student Venture, during my senior year. It was great meeting people my age who were passionate about God. I went to Fall Retreat and Christmas Conference and grew closer to God and the people who I was with. The begginings of some very solid friendships were established during freshman year.

Sophomore year (2006-2007)- This was my favorite year of college. I joined the leadership team with Crusade and grew very close with the students on the team as well as other people within the movement. I had a lot of fun hanging out with people outside of school. It was a year when a lot of relationships were formed, many of which have ended up in marriage recently.

Junior year (2007-2008)- This was my least favorite year of college. I went through a breakup the summer before and it took a long time for the pain to go away. I left the Crusade leadership team and battled through some tough times. There were definitely some bright spots though. I moved to the Hope International University dorms where my friend Mark was living. We grew a lot closer during this time and now he is one of my best friends. I also changed my major for the fourth time to Speech Communication.

Senior Year (2008-2009)- Senior year was an interesting time. I was in three weddings which was a cool experience. I had never had a really close friend get married before. This past year I was able to spend some quality time with a couple mentors/disiplers. It was beneficial for me to be able to be able to discuss life and the future with these guys. Over the course of the year I spent hours and hours wondering what I was going to do with my life. I had multiple ideas of what I wanted to do from being a baseball card photographer to being a staff member of Campus Crusade for Christ. I still don't know what I want to do but that's alright.

My time in college was a extremely valuable. I grew so much as a person. I met people who I hope will be life-long friends.

Life Update

2009-07-19T18:25:00.000-07:00

A lot of things have happened since my last post. I've graduated and am looking for that 9-5 job that I have never really wanted- til now. I'm still really uncertain of where my life is headed. The job search started a couple months ago. I've had a few interviews but nothing has panned out yet. I've heard stories from people who have graduated and it took them 8 months to a year to find a job. I hope it doesn't take me that long. Once I get a job I can move back to Orange County and hang out with friends more easily.

Moving On Slowly

2009-03-31T23:25:00.000-07:00

Blog post from June 2nd 2008:

"It looks like from now on people are going to be doing their own thing. People are getting married, on the road to getting married, or just have other big time commitments. Things are never going to be how they used to be. The community that I once enjoyed does not exist anymore and it's just going to keep dissolving more and more as time goes on. "

I wish that I could say that things have changed or that I was just being a little dramatic that day. Things aren't as bad as they were during the summer when I wrote the blog post above but they sure aren't great. I'm struggling. I miss my friends. I miss hanging out with people all the time. My friends have helped me become who I am today. It's been difficult for me to accept that things are different. I don't want them to be. That is why I have a desire to start over some place else. But what if the friends that I make in SD or wherever are just as busy as the friends I have now? People everywhere are going to have their own lives with their unique set of responsibilities. I don't know.

Fears

2009-03-31T23:16:00.000-07:00

I fear the future. I've spent most of my life dreaming about being a baseball player not a guy working a 9-5 job. I didn't grow up wishing to work in a cubicle. I had bigger dreams for myself. I wish that I had some crazy goal to shoot for, some dream to follow.

Spring Break 2009

2009-03-30T21:45:00.000-07:00

I'm currently in the midst of my last spring break as a college student. I don't have any crazy plans like last year when me and the guys were going to watch Mark attempt to woo a girl in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I mainly just want to rest and get some school stuff done. I only have 7 more weeks of school left! (hopefully). The future has been scaring me a lot lately. I've changed my mind a bunch of times with what I want to do after May 24th so I would be careful not to give this week's "plan for the future" too much weight. The game plan after graduation is to take a little bit of time off to relax. I might go on a vacation with my parents and maybe go on a camping trip with the guys. After that I plan on trying to find a job in the San Diego area. I want to find a room or an apt close to the beach. SD is a nice place and it isn't way too far from my parents or friends in Orange County.

Optimist: Me

2009-01-22T01:02:00.001-08:00

I'm an optimist. I feel like is a good characteristic to have. I was looking at one of my blog posts from last January where I was wondering what would happen in 2008. I wondered about what the new year would bring. 2009 looks like it's going to be filled with a lot more uncertainty than any other year of my life. At some point during this year I won't be a student anymore. I've been a student since 1992 when I was five years old. Bill Clinton was in the first year of his presidency. Questions surround me about what life is going to look like. I don't know where I'm going to live. I don't plan on staying in Orange County so I will have to make new friends and acquiantances. I wish I was filled with more optimism that things are going to be great and that it's going to be a wonderful journey. But at the moment, the uncertainty is outweighing those fealings. I'm focused on the upcoming semester. It's my last full semester as a college student. I don't want to take this lifestyle for granted. I know that I'm going to miss it.

Untitled

2009-01-12T23:13:00.000-08:00

At the beginning of chapter six in Randy Alcorn's book "The Treasure Principle" is a short story about Alfred Nobel. Nobel is the man who invented dynamite and made a fortune by doing so. In 1888 his brother had passed away and while Alfred was reading a French newspaper he saw an obituary for himself. The author of the column confused the two brothers when he was writing his article. Alcorn writes, " Alfred Nobels's obituary described a man who had gotten rich by helping people kill one another". He was dismayed by what the obituary had said and decided to use his fortune in a positive way. Over $9 million of his savings went towards funding awards for people who dedicated time and energy to helping others. Nobel Prizes are still given out today and are one of the most highly recognized awards a person can receive.
What a cool story! He saw how people were going to view him had he died the day that his brother passed away. He made significant changes to ensure that he didn't have a legacy that was about death. Randy Alcorn's book has been eye opening. Reading about treasures in heaven is not something I had normally done. I'm so wrapped up in this present life that I often don't give too much thought about heaven and what it's going to be like.

East Coast

2009-01-03T19:43:00.000-08:00

I want to move to the East Coast, preferably New York. I don't really want to be in Southern California anymore. I want to experience life living somewhere else for awhile. I haven't been out of California since 2006 and I've only left twice since starting college. I want to start over somewhere else.

Fall 08 Classes

2008-10-12T12:28:00.000-07:00

This is my first full semester as a Speech Communication major. I like most of my classes way more than my Liberal Studies classes that I was taking last semester. Here is my opinion my schedule so far:

HCOM 300- Intro to Research in Speech Communication: This class is my least favorite class out of the six. I was warned by my friend Michelle not to take this class from this particular professor. CSUF was only offering this class at one time this semester (8am MWF).. I had to take it either this semester or next so I thought I might as well just take it. I had a feeling that I should. It's a difficult class but I'm just going to have to work a little bit harder.

HCOM 200- Human Communication: Not a very fun class either. We learn about a bunch of communication theories but it is somewhat interesting since we talk about real life issues when it comes to communicating.

HCOM 308- Quantitative Research Methods: This is my second to least favorite class. I don't really care about doing research and different kinds of studies within the communication field. I have this same professor for my HCOM 332 class.

HCOM 220- Interpersonal Conflict Management: I enjoy this class. Interesting topic. Good professor.

HCOM 332- Process of Social Influence: Good class. We talk about advertising a lot and other ways that people try to persuade us.

HCOM 360- Nonverbal Communication: This is my favorite class of them all. Great professor. Very interesting topic.

Summer 08

2008-08-25T14:24:00.001-07:00

This summer was pretty cool. It's over now having officially starting my senior year this morning but I enjoyed it. I was in school for two straight sessions of summer school but I enjoyed the classes and it was nice having somewhat of a routine. I got into photography which I enjoy a lot and still have a lot to learn. Being a full-time photographer is the game plan once I graduate next May. My friend Lauren designed my logo and my business card which I'm excited to get printed and passed out to friends and potential clients. I went on a fishing trip up to the Sierra's right after I finished my last final and packed up my remaining items from my dorm. It was good trip even though I wasn't feeling too well. My summer kind of was like a regular semester but instead of taking a bunch of classes I was only taking one for a few hours on three straight days. I still lived out in Orange County, still worked at BA, hung out with friends, and went to Rock Harbor. Summer wasn't bad and taking the two classes this summer were necessary in order for my to graduate next May. I'm stoked about graduating and I think about it far too often. It's exciting though and I enjoy thinking about what life is going to be like.

Hope Regained

2008-08-20T12:48:00.000-07:00

I'm back at the Hope International University dorms once again. I didn't really want to come back here for my senior year but that is the way that things worked out. It's not that bad and I definitely am enjoying eating at cafeteria once again.

What I've Been Up To

2008-08-06T20:41:00.000-07:00

This summer has been unique. Lots of things have happened that I could not have predicted. I plan on writing an entry summarizing my summer before school starts in a few weeks. I haven't been very persistant with keeping up the blog but since I have a speech tomorrow that I'm procrastinating on, I thought it was apropos for me to write something:

- The speech that I'm working on is for my Public Speaking class. We've done four speaches already and this one is the last speech of the class. I'm talking about drunk driving and the ways to prevent it from happening. I've enjoyed this class. My professor is a super nice lady who has a ton of personality. This has been one of my top 5 favorite classes at Cal State Fullerton so far.

- My friend Chad was able to get my website developed and looking nice. You can check it out at maguirephotos.com . The main thing that is holding me back from going all out with this photography stuff is not having a legit logo. I have a few friends who are into graphic design but I'm not super close to anyone of them. Once I get a nice looking logo I can get my business cards out and hopefully start getting some more gigs. I have some stuff lined up but all of the dates are TBA.

- It looks like I might be going back to the Hope International dorms for my last year of college. I'm not super excited to be going back and things might ultimately change. It would be great to grub at the cafeteria again but I like the "grown up" feel of having the apartment.

- I've done a decent amount of reading this summer. Just finished a book called "Prophet of the Sandlots" by Mark Winegardner. The author traveled for around a year with an old baseball scout who was arguably the most successful scout in the history of baseball.

- I registered for classes a few weeks ago and will pick one last class once Titan II begins. I'm only going to classes Tuesday and Thursday and I have one class Wednesday at four. One of my goals for this last semester is to strike a good balance between wanting to graduate and enjoying my last year of school. I know that I'm going to miss college once I've graduated but I also just want to be finished with it and move on to the next chapter of my life.

Photography

2008-06-25T11:36:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to get into photography. There is so much stuff to learn! It's not as simple as I thought it was going to be. Thankfully I have friends who know what they are doing and are willing to help a brother out when he has a question or two. I want to start shooting weddings eventually. I might be shooting my manager at Black Angus' wedding. That should be cool and it would allow me to build my portfolio. I'm trying to set up my website (www.maguirephotos.com) but I've been having trouble logging into the control panel from hostmonster.com. Hopefully the website will be up and running sometime this week. I could potentially see myself being a full-time photographer.

Not Living the Dream

2008-06-03T14:41:00.001-07:00

I wish I was playing professional baseball. That's been my dream since I was a kid. I'm reading a book right now called "Harvard Boys" which is about a guy named John Wolff who played baseball at Harvard and then was drafted by the Chicago White Sox. He journals about his day to day experiences playing minor league ball and after most of the entries his dad comments about his experience playing pro ball back when he was younger. I wish I could be playing baseball everyday, working my way through the minor leagues. I could be working everyday to try to make it to the big leagues with a ton of other guys who have the exact same goal. The competition would be amazing! I'm just one of millions of people who will never get that shot.

People

2008-06-02T12:19:00.000-07:00

It looks like from now on people are going to be doing their own thing. People are getting married, on the road to getting married, or just have other big time commitments. Things are never going to be how they used to be. The community that I once enjoyed does not exist anymore and it's just going to keep dissolving more and more as time goes on. After graduation who knows what things are going to look like. People are going to move away and the most interaction we will have is maybe a facebook message here and there. It's just part of life. Full-time jobs, house payments, children and other responsibilities are just around the corner for some.

Home

2008-05-25T11:19:00.000-07:00

It feels so good to have a permanent place to live. I'm going to be staying at my friend Bryson's apartment for the summer. I was crashing at my old apt and my friend James' place for almost a week. I feel like I can breathe a lot easier now. Not having your own place can be stressful.

The Cause

2008-05-07T20:05:00.000-07:00

I want to find a cause to fight for. I've been thinking recently and I've come to the conclusion that I want to have an occupation where I'm making a difference in the world and in individual people's lives. I'm just not sure what that is going to look like. What cause do I want to fight for? There are so many to choose from. One of my favorite quotes is from a man named Gil Bailie. One of my favorite authors John Eldredge used this quote in his famous book Wild at Heart. Baile says, "Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive". I can see why John would dig that quote. I want to find something that makes me feel completely alive. I want to put my whole heart into something and try to change things for the better.

Summer

2008-05-07T19:48:00.000-07:00

It's almost here! I want to do a lot of things this summer. I still have school and work but there is so much more I plan on doing. I want to learn how do play the piano. Everybody and their mother plays the guitar but I want to try something different. I plan on looking on ebay soon for a somewhat inexpensive keyboard. I also want to learn how to drive a stick shift. It's a skill that could come in handy one of these days. I want to use a decent amount of my time reading some of the many books that I want to check out. I've recently gotten into working out so I plan on continuing to do that as well.

The Books I Read

2008-05-07T19:31:00.000-07:00

I like to read books about peoples lives. How did this person deal with the circumstances that they were born into? What were their dreams? How did they try to achieve them? What obstacles were in their way and how did they overcome them? How did they learn from their failures? I haven't really lived too much during my 21 years. I've done some pretty cool things and seen some beautiful places but there is so much more that I want to see and do. Hopefully the journey is just beggining. I find it interesting reading about what people do with their lives. I'm in the midst of two autobiographical books right now which detail two very different lives:

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch

Randy Pausch has pancreatic cancer and only has a few months to live. He was a professor at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburg and gave his "last lecture" detailing what he learned in life and how he fulfilled his dreams. He is trying to make the most of his time left on earth by spending time with his family and by just enjoying life. He was recently named one of the 100 Most Influential People by Time Magazine. Video of his last lecture can be found on the internet if you want to check it out.

Tweak by Nic Sheff

Nic Sheff messed up his life by getting into drugs. He was from the Bay Area and then went to college out in Massachusetts. He starts doing crystal meth and soon becomes an addict. I'm at the part of the book where him and a friend start dealing the stuff.

Both of these men had similar chances to do whatever they wanted with their lives. One became a college professor who specialized in virtual reality systems while the other messed up his life significantly at an early age by getting into drugs. I find it interesting to see what people do with their time here on earth.

The End of the Semester

2008-05-07T19:24:00.000-07:00

I have one more day of class on Friday and then finals next week. I'm so looking forward to being done with this semester. To know that I never have to take math, science, english or history again is a good feeling. It's all communications from here on out. Whether I'm going to like that is a different story. I've only taken one communications class which was during my freshman year. I didn't really like it way too much but it wasn't horrible. Finals week is usually no fun, but after my last final on Friday I'm going fishing and camping with some friends which should be cool. I'm definitely not the best fisherman in the world though. I haven't caught a fish in about 10 years. It's not that I haven't gone fishing since then but when I go I just don't get catch any when I go. It's kind of embarassing seing little kids fishing alongside of you pulling in fish while you haven't even gotten a bite.

Life

2008-04-21T19:11:00.000-07:00

On Sunday night I went to the first official Bandette concert at one of Merrilee's professors houses. I sat in on this lady's class one time during the Fall 06 semester. I hadn't seen her for a really long time. Before Bandette started their set Dr. Salono talked about how she almost died this past year and you could just tell that she was thankful to be alive and with her family. That was interesting for me to see and it got me thinking. There have been points in my life recently where I wasn't thankful for being alive and sometimes would have preferred not to be. But to see this woman so thankful to be alive and to be with her children was inspiring. Life is filled with suffering, disappointments and other negative components but simply being with those who are most important to you is what really matters.

Summer School

2008-04-21T19:07:00.001-07:00

I'm taking 2 classes this summer. I'm kind of looking forward to them as strange as that sounds. It will make me one step closer to getting my degree. The downside is that my class during the 1st session of the summer starts at 8am. That's not going to be fun. I'm really looking forward to taking Communications classes. My classes right now are pretty bad.

Major Change #4

2008-03-25T18:56:00.000-07:00

I'm going to change my major again. This time I'm going with Speech Communication with an emphasis in Interpersonal Communication. I really don't like my current major (Liberal Studies). If you don't know what Liberal Studies is it's just a broad education plan that mostly future elementary school teachers do. I can still graduate next Spring with this new major which is great. As far as what I'm going to do with this new degree, who knows?

Time Passing By

2008-03-21T22:41:00.000-07:00

I spend too much time in the future. I wonder about different potentials without spending too much time in the present. I'm not a big fan of the here and now for myself. I lack passion in almost every area of my life. Sometimes I don't even have the desire to get out of my passion-less state. Life is weird.

The Tournament

2008-03-16T20:00:00.001-07:00

The CSUF Titans have won the Big West Championship and are headed to the NCAA Basketball Tournament. We haven't made it there since 1978. 30 years ago. It's an exciting time. I was able to make it out to all of the playoff games that we played in this year. It was exhilarating to charge the Anaheim Convention Centers court after time expired in the Championship Game versus UC Irvine. Jumping up and down, yelling, holding my "number one" finger in the air, celebrating with the players. Oh man. It was great.

Semester #6

2008-03-16T19:40:00.000-07:00

This semester is filled with crappy classes. Here is the mid-semester review:

Math 303a- Me and math get along about as good as Boston and New York fans. I have been known to flip off multiple unresponsive math text books in my time. It's a boring class where we learn about mostly useless stuff than I will probably never use. I have it at 8:30am which makes it even less enjoyable. The worst part is that I have to take math 303b before I graduate.

English 211- This class is one of my least favorites. I don't do the reading and that is all we talk about in class. I do manage to create some pretty cool doodles in my notebook though.

Liberal Studies 302a- This is the class that I got a C- in that I have to retake. Stupid plus/minus system. We have three exams and that is it. I feel like I did pretty well on the 1st one. I have to take 302b before I graduate which is also a difficult class. I think that I'm going to take it during summer school.

English 341- Children's Literature- This class is similar to English 211 in that we spend a lot of time talking about the assigned reading. The professor assigns a ton of it too. This class is super long going from 4-6:45. It's only on Mondays though.

Biology 453- This is my only class that I have on Fridays. It is a lab and a lecture. It is almost a four hour class. It's not too difficult which is nice. The material is the most interesting out of any class that I am taking this semester.

Where Am Going?

2008-03-16T19:32:00.001-07:00

I'm lost. I think about my future all the time. I have about 1 year of school left and I have no idea what I want to do after I graduate. I know, I know "Lots of people are in the same boat". But that only helps ease my frustrations a little. I'm majoring in Liberal Studies which is mainly for people who want to teach elementary school students. I don't want to do that for the rest of my life, or even part of it. I just wish I had my diploma. It's not like high school where you know that your diploma is going to come exactly 4 years after you start HS. There are people here in college that have graduated HS years before I did and are still chasing after that piece of paper. I imagine that it's going to be nice to be a college graduate, but then what?

Why?

2008-01-26T14:56:00.000-08:00

Why do I feel so crappy? Why do I feel fine one week and the next I'm feeling depressed? Why do I feel lonely when I have friends who care about me?

I'm in Love

2008-01-24T10:07:00.000-08:00

...with the Hope University Cafeteria. Man, this is so cool. I have a buffet within walking distance from my new dorm. I can have as much food as I want. This sure beats the heck out of the days of tv dinners and hot pockets. I have so many choices. I initially said that I wasn't going to live at Hope next year but I'm not so sure anymore.

2008

2008-01-10T15:16:00.000-08:00

So many different things can happen this year. I have no clue how it is going to turn out which is part of what makes it exciting. I love how their is always a new beggining every Jan 1st. If your 07 wasn't the greatest, nothing says that 08 can't be better.

Happy Birthday Blog!

2008-01-01T17:23:00.000-08:00

Today is the one year anniversary of my first post here on coreofmyinnerbeing.blogspot.com. It has been an interesting year. I would say that it was the best year of my life. I'm hoping that 2008 will be even better. Thanks to everyone who checks this website out. I appreciate it.

Frustrated

2007-12-27T18:23:00.001-08:00

I got a C- in my Liberal Studies 302a class. A C- is not a passing grade. I have to take this stupid class over again and it might ruin my plan to graduate in 3 semesters. It's not like I got a D or an F. I got a C-! Frick! It especially frustrating because it ruined my schedule that I was stoked about for next semester. I had classes only on Monday and Wednesday. There are only 2 available sections of 302A available and the one on Monday and Wednesday is at 1pm when I already have a class scheduled. It's not a humongous deal if I graduate in 4.5 years instead of 4 but this C- deal frustrates me.

My New Job

2007-12-21T19:07:00.000-08:00

I got a brand new job today. I'm going to be working at Black Angus. I'm stoked about it! I've been wanting to work at a restaraunt for awhile so I'm glad that someting worked out. I'm going to be starting out as a host. Hopefully I can work my way up to be a server eventually. This is my fourth job and hopefully my last for awhile.

Changes

2007-12-08T17:23:00.000-08:00

When I was younger I did not like change very much at all. I would hate it when I would have to transition to wearing pants in the winter and shorts in the spring/summer. It was difficult for me to do something different. I'm going to be going through some fairly big changes in the next month or two which I am looking forward to. One of the big changes is in my class schedule for next semester. I only have classes on Mondays and Wednesdays. That might not seem like a huge change but for me it is. I've gone to school Monday through Friday since Kindergarten so it will be cool to have four day weekends and to also have Tuesdays off. As for what I'm going to be doing with all of this free time, I'm not sure. We'll see what happens. I also am going to be moving to the Hope dorms which are right across the street from CSUF. It's going to be fun living with my good friend Mark and being so close to campus. I'm really looking forward to eating at the cafeteria. The CSUF dorms don't have a cafeteria and while I was staying there I lived off of hotpockets, tv dinners and Chef Boyardee for the most part. I'm embracing change as of right now. The start of a new journey is not too far away.

Finals

2007-12-08T17:18:00.000-08:00

Finals are next week. Ugh. I have two on Tuesday, two on Wednesday, and one on Thursday. Finals week is pretty much the only time I really stress about school. I don't think that any of my finals are cumilative which is good. Finals are especially a pain for me when I have a grade(s) that are on the border between a C and D. Hopefully everything will work out.

The Last Few Weeks of School

2007-11-25T09:53:00.000-08:00

Today is the last day of Thanksgiving vacation. It was been a good one. The week kind of went by fairly quickly. It's all good though. I feel rested and only have 3 more weeks of school left before having around a month off. Finals week, like always, is not going to be fun. If I don't pass my Liberal Studies 302A class it will throw off my plan to graduate in four years without taking summer school or inetercession. I'm a concerned about the upcoming vacation. I still don't have a job and I don't have any major plans except Winter Conference.

The Future

2007-11-24T11:59:00.000-08:00

For almost the past half year I have been thinking about the past a lot. Thinking back to when times were good and I was very happy. I look back upon the past few months and I've been wondering where all the time went. It's natural that it is going to take time to heal, but man! I wish I didn't hurt anymore. I wish that I didn't think about the past and I could be stoked about my future. I don't have anyone to be stoked with and that is my problem. I don't enjoy being single. I was single for far too long and now I'm back. I don't need a girlfriend but the happiest I have ever been was when I had one. Life isn't horrible and I'm thankful for the the friendships that I have. Something is missing though.

Reading

2007-10-20T18:18:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a lot of reading recently. I just finished a book that I borrowed from DJ titled "The Mark of a Man". It was pretty good. It talked about what it looks like to be a man and discussed what it looks like to be masculine and feminine from a Biblical perspective. Reading is something that I did not enjoy when I was younger. Now it's one of my favorite things to do. I can learn from some really intelligent people without ever leaving the comforts of my apartment. The wisdom that these men and women have learned and written down has changed my way of thinking for the better and hopefully I will be able to pass this acquired knowledge down to those around me in conversation. There are so many books that I would like to read. I wish that I read faster. I want to try to read more books by John Eldredge who is the writer of the book Wild at Heart. I've read three of his books and I've throughly enjoyed them all. Maybe one day I'll be a writer.

Stuff

2007-08-27T16:38:00.000-07:00

I want to update the blog but their is nothing specific that I really want to write about exclusively. So, I'm just going to write about some unrelated things:

- I still have to buy at least one more text book. I'm not sure how many I need to get. I really don't like buying books for school. I don't usually enjoy reading them and sometimes I choose not to.

- I'm still reading that book called Prayer by Phillip Yancey. I wish I was in the mood to read more often. I probably would have finished it awhile ago.

- Today was the 1st day of outreach for the outreach team for Campus Crusade. We ended up having 4 spiritual conversations with people. I met a guy who went to my high school. We had the usual "same hs conversation". Do you know this person? We ended up knowing the same people that we asked eachother about.

- The 1st week of school is over. It was packed with stuff that had to get done. Cru was awesome! 117 people! Praise God

- I'm not a big fan of commuting anymore. It's only been a week and I'm tired of facing the dilema of driving 10 min back to the apt and coming back or staying on campus. I really want some trail mix right now that's in the kitchen but I can't get it unless I drive back. Living in the dorms definitely had it's benefits. I wouldn't want to go back, I'm just saying. I could go back and take a nap, eat lunch, watch tv, etc.

- I took a nap in the grass today. I can't remember the last time I fell asleep outside.

- Life is getting better.

1st day of school

2007-08-20T14:31:00.000-07:00

Today is the 1st day of my 3rd year of college. Who the heck knows what's going to take place this year. It will be exciting to see what comes my way and where I end up. My life is radically different than where it was a few years ago.

Roomates

2007-08-12T16:31:00.000-07:00

Today is the 1st day of having at least one full time roomate at my new place. Hopefully it will turn out well. I think it will. This is the 1st time where I'm living with people who I knew before we actually became roomates. Living in the dorms was alright but it feels good to be living off campus. It has a more "grown up" feel. Living by myself sucked for the past two months. It was cool having my friend Colin stay for awhile before he moved into his apartment around a month ago. "Daniel and the Ryan's Den" was alive and well this summer. For those of you who don't know Daniel and the Ryan's Den was going to be the name of the apartment that DJ, Klement, and some 4th guy (preferably named Ryan) were going to be getting. It didn't work out but whenever the 3 of us get together we call it "the den". Maybe the den will move to a more permanent location in the future. Who knows?

?

2007-07-27T01:08:00.000-07:00

I feel like I should write something. The blog went on hiatus for a few months but it's making a comback, hopefully to stay. I used to love writing about my core when I first started this thing. The status of my core has obviously been better than what it is now but thats life.

Here's what I've been up to lately:

-Read a book by the former Korn guitarist "Head". It was cool reading about his testimony of turning away from drugs, alcohol, partying, etc into a life that is trying to serve God. I've also started a few other books. One is called prayer by Phillip Yancey and the other is a book about William Wilberforce who helped fight slavery in Britain.

- Work. Its boring. I work at the OC Register in their cafeteria. Plus side- there is a tv, so I get to watch Sportscenter and Angels games when they are on the east coast.

Accounting Sucks

2007-03-13T23:11:00.000-07:00

Don't take accounting unless you have to. It is horrible. It's confusing stuff. It's almost as if Iam taking a foreign language. I probably know more spanish than I do accouting principles. I have a test tomorrow and I'm frustrated and I feel like venting. This class is one of the main reasons why I'm probably going to change my major. I know not all business classes are like this, but my other business classes are a drag as well. I can't see myself doing this kind of stuff for the rest of my life.

Bass

2007-03-12T17:18:00.000-07:00

I'm currently in the process of learning how to play bass guitar. It has been a really good experience so far. I attempted to learn how to play guitar throughout HS but I gave up repeatedly. The bass is cool since for most songs you only use two strings. It is also great having two people giving me free lessons. I would like to send some online hand pounds out to Amy Grace and Nat. I really appreciate it guys. With guitar I tried to teach myself by finding tabs of my favorite songs and trying to play those. I was often left confused and frustrated. If I could have any job in the world my first choice would be to be a baseball player but my second choice would be to play in a band. I hope that will happen someday.

Change

2007-02-28T23:17:00.000-08:00

It's crazy to think about how much I have grown as a person since college started. I feel like I've even changed a lot since the beggining of this school year. I'm becoming more of the person that I want to be. I used to be almost a completely different person not too long ago. I like the direction where my life is going.

Let it Flow

2007-02-27T21:43:00.000-08:00

I started writing a blog entry about my summer project but I wasn't feeling inspired to write about it, so it didn't sound too well. I don't want to force a blog entry if I'm not feeling it. I'm going to write on the fly in this post and whatever comes out naturally is what you'll hear.

- I woke up at 6 in morning today to write a paper for my Women in American Society class. I knocked it out in a couple hours. I enjoy procrastinating until the last moment. I feel like I do beter under pressure with school stuff.

- I wanted to go to the CSUF baseball game tonight but was unable to due to the Campus Crusade leadership team meeting. It's fine. I imagine that I will go to plenty of Titan games in my lifetime. I'm probably going to at least one game this weekend against Rice University.

- I'm on the look out for new bands that I enjoy listening to. I'm really starting to get into two different bands: Much the Same and Procession Came Opposite. I doubt that you have heard of them but they are two extremely good bands. Lots of energy.

-I have been thinking about how people complain that CSUF is a comuter school. I feel like it is almost a good thing that it is. If it wasn't then I doubt I would still be in contact with my friends as much after I graduate because everyone would be living far away from eachother. I hope that we all still see eachother on a regular basis after graduation.

- I wish I played guitar and could sing well. I would love to be in a band. Often times when I'm cruisin down Imperial, I rock out to a cd and imagine that I'm singing at a gig. But then I realize that I have a crappy voice and it bums me out a little. Another dream of mine that probably will never happen.

- The status of my core is pretty good. Life is going well right now

The Journey

2007-02-21T01:16:00.000-08:00

I feel like I'm lost on a journey with no destination. I don't know where I'm going with my life. I'm in one of those Ecclesiastes modes. There is no real finish line in my life right now. I'm just living life hoping that I will stumble accross what I'm meant to do. I know that I shouldn't be concerned about the future but it's hard not to be when the real world is not too far away. For most of my life I had a journey: I was going to be a pro baseball player. When that dream experienced a slow and painful death I was left directionless. There were a few mirages of finish lines but they probably wouldn't have satisfied my desires. Whatever they are.

Home

2007-02-16T23:40:00.000-08:00

Today I went back home to my parents house in Murrieta. I wasn't planning on coming home this weekend but I decided to after I got up from my nap this afternoon. It took me about 2 hours due to traffic. It usually only takes an hour. During my freshman year of college I went home every single weekend. I wanted to be here with all of the comforts that I was used to for the previous 18 years of my life. Last weekend when I went home it was the 1st time that I had made the trek down here in over a month. I enjoy being at college on the weekends. Pretty much all of my friends live in Orange or LA county so it would make sense for me to stay up there. My dorm is starting to feel more and more like a home. I always used to correct my parents when they call my dorm my "home" because I felt that home is where they were. I'm starting to feel like the dorm is now my home whereas my parents house is starting to feel more like a hotel.

I feel like I should write something

2007-02-13T21:32:00.000-08:00

Tonight at the Campus Crusade leadership team meeting I was thinking that I should update my blog. I don't really have anything in particular that I want to write about so I'm probably going to write about a bunch of unrelated events. Here we go:

-I have been thinking about my future recently. I wonder what my life if going to look like after college. It's a reality that I don't want to face. That kinda sucks because you should always be stoked about what's coming up in your life. I think about in what capacity that I'm going to be serving God. Right now it's easy through Campus Crusade but I'm not always going to be in college, unfortunately.

- I have an Accounting test tomorrow. I have been procrastinating with the hw and studying. I don't like this class.

- I applied to be an RA yesterday. I really hope I get the job! I will find out later this week.

- One of my favorite bands, Kings to You, are playing a show one week from tonight at the Alley in downtown Fullerton. I won't be able to go since I have a leadership team meeting. I'm going to try to go to their cd release party concert in San Marcos in mid-March.

-I rented a dvd at Blockbuster that has 8 episodes of the tv show Dinosaurs. I have been thinking about this show for awhile and how it is never in reruns. It has been fun watching episodes that I haven't seen for around 10 years.

-Valentines day: It has traditionally been a sad day for the Rymac. This year I'm not worried about it. I'm going to watch the Titans demolish the 49ers and dethrone them of their 1st place status.

-I had some BBQ chicken Hotpockets today. They were really good. I would suggest that you go and buy some immediately.

?

2007-02-10T22:33:00.000-08:00

What would our lives, friends, family, campus, generation, country, world look like if we each individually devoted our lives only to the Kingdom of God?

A Day in the Life of Rymac- Part II

2007-02-09T21:01:00.000-08:00

(If you haven't read the post that I wrote yesterday I would suggest reading that one first because we're going in chronological order)

3ish o'clock: Went back to the library to finish Fury. It seems like I had to pay attention a lot more than I would for a current movie. After finishing it I decided to check the database for dvds since I had only been looking at the vhs tapes. I found a documentary about the Kent State shootings that took place during the Vietnam War. I didn't know too much about the incident but I had heard bits and pieces about it. I was just about to check it out and then someone called me

4:00- The Danimal himself called me to see if he wanted to hang out for a little while Crista was baby-sitting Brent "Stun 'em" Dunnam's baby. We went to Sports Challet to look for a basketball bag. Then we went to my dorm and relaxed. He showed me a couple cool websites. The first is pandora.com . This site is just what I needed! You type in a band and it will play a song by them and songs from other bands that have a similar sound. I love it! I'm always looking for new music on myspace and purevolume.com but this makes my job so much easier. Also, he showed me how to see trailers for upcoming movies on apple.com .

7:00- I went to Molcasalsa with my roomate Rolando. I probably go to this place at least twice a week. I got some carne asade fries (carne asada, fries, beans, cheese, gucamole, and sour cream). My friend Sarah introduced me to Molcasalsa after we went to Rock Harbor one Sunday morning. I wanted to go to a place that I had never been before and a place that wasn't your typical fast food resturaunt. We drove around for a little while and saw Molcasalsa and the rest is history.

8:00: Went back to the library and checked out the documentary about the Kent State shootings. It was very well made. I also watched part of a video about the brain and thinking. It was interesting.

That was about it for my Thursday. It was a pretty good day overall.

A Day in the Life of Rymac- Part I

2007-02-08T22:40:00.000-08:00

I decided early today that I was going to write a blog entry of a day in the life of myself. So here we go:

7:05am- I heard the most annoying sound known to man, my alarm clock. I was suprised I was as tired as I was since I had gone to bed before midnight the night before. I got my cell phone and set the alarm till 7:25, after that went off I set it till 7:35. I was still tired so I set it till 7:42. I finally got out of bed and checked my facebook because I'm obsessed with it. It's getting to the point where I might need some clinical help. Ok, it's not that bad and I'm getting better in terms of not checking it every waking hour of my waking existence.

8:25am- I got to my math class 25ish minutes late. I didn't care though. I've only been on time to that class a few times the whole semester. The best thing about class today is that class only lasted about 10-15 minutes after I got there! My next class was at 11:30 so I had a very large break. I went to the alumni lounge in the TSU and read some in the book of Luke. I was feeling pretty hungry and in need of some grubski so I made my way over to Busy Bee. Orange Chicken combo plate with fried rice and chowmein. The lady who got the food gave me a ton of orange chicken which is always good. The day before when I was at Long Beach State my new friend Heather and I went over to Panda Express and she kinda got short-changed on her orange chicken. So I ate lunch at 9:30am which is weird but good.

10:00am- I decided I was going to go to the library and watch a movie. I found two different films. The one that I ended up watching during this session was called Fury. It was released in 1936. It wasn't that great. I would write about the movie but I feel like this is going to be a long post already.

11:30- Economics class. Ugh. This guy/class is so boring. He is offering us extra credit if we watch the documentary Biggie and Tupac, which is pretty cool. Whenever he would talk about Tupac he would always pronounce it "two pack". That was pretty funny, I'm not going to lie.

11:43: Walked as fast as I could to Richard "Good Bye Lunna" s show in the TSU Pub. I was able to catch the final two songs and I was thoroughly impressed. I had checked out his myspace music site but I wasn't that impressed. He sounded great live! I grabbed a demo and headed of to the land of boredom (also known as class).

1:05- Went to Women in American Society and was bored out of my mind. I really don't want to talk about it. I will probably start counting down the remaining days I have left in that class.

2:15ish: Went to the career center to see if they could help me make a resume since I need one. I'm going to apply to be an RA for the rest of this semester since there are two brand new openings since two guys recently got fired. It would be nice to have some spending money for things like cds, Molcasalsa, and random expenditures.

I've just decided that I'm going to make this a two part series. I know all of you are desperately wondering what other amazing things happened today but they will have to wait till tomorrow.

Classes

2007-02-06T16:40:00.000-08:00

So far my classes this semester are way different than the last few semesters of college. The major classes that I'm taking are a pain. Here is an analysis of all of the courses that I'm taking:

Math 115 College Algebra: This is the class that I got a D- in last semester. I have this class at 8am and I'm routinely 10-20 minutes late everyday. I really don't care about this class. I know how to do most of the stuff already. On the plus side having the D- prevented me from advancing to Math 135 Business Calculus. I really don't want to take that class. Hopefully I can pick a major that I'm half way interested in before I have to take that.

Business Management 246: This class is only good because the professor makes it entertaining. This is probably my favorite class (which isn't saying much). I tend to judge my like/dislikeness of a class by how funny the prof is.

Accounting: Oh my goodness! This is by far my least favorite class times 10. This guy doesn't have teaching skills at all. This stuff is hard and he doesn't explain it well.

Economics: This class is my second least favorite. Not a great prof. Boring topic. Hour and fifteen minutes of pure boredom.

Women in American Society: Many of you might be thinking "why would you take this class Ryan?". Well the answer is that I needed an upper division GE class and I did not feel like taking an math, science, or foreign language. This class, just like economics, is an hour and fifteen minutes of pure boredom. There are only 3 other guys in the class, which I normally wouldn't mind (if you know what I mean).

Overall, this semester is going to suck for classes. Campus Crusade-wise, it looks to be pretty freakin awesome! I care way more about Crusade so it is easier to get through the boredom of class.

The Rock Show

2007-02-02T00:46:00.000-08:00

I just got back from a concert in San Juan Capistrano. It was a lot of fun! My friend Allison and I made the trip down to south Orange County to see one of my favorite bands, Spacepilot. They are an unsigned band from Laguna Nigel whom I found on the internet. The show was at the Coach House off of Camino Capistrano. Here is what went down:

Cory Benjamin and Friends (http://myspace.com/corybenjaminandfriends) : These guys were the 1st band. They weren't that great. They had a song about Invisible Children which I thought was cool. The last time Allison and I went to a show together was at an Invisible Children benefit show at Biola. I met Cory when I was on my way to the Spacepilot merch area. Nice guy.

Platos Republic (http://myspace.com/platosrepublic): This band was a lot better than the 1st. The lead singer had a great voice and was a very skilled guitar player. Good music.

Spacepilot (www.myspace.com/spacepilot) : The band that I wanted to see the most. They played about 5-6 songs. I would have liked to have heard a few more but they weren't the headliners. They played a bunch of new songs which I had never heard before. The played only one song that I had heard. They played well. It was my first time seeing them perform live. I ended up getting a shirt and a cd from them.

The Outline (www.myspace.com/theoutline): This band was pretty darn good. Lots of energy. They played fast and loud which was great. Probably my favorite act of the night.

Polysics (http://www.purevolume.com/polysics): The headliners. These guys are a punk/electronica band from Japan. The had more energy than any band that I have ever seen in my life. The frontman/guitar player was insane! He chugged a whole cup of beer while the female bass player was singing a song. He would venture out into the audience on the tables that were next to the stage. They did a cover of "My Sharona" which was cool. That was the only song that I could understand since I don't speak Japanese.

"We Were Meant For So Much More"

2007-01-31T23:18:00.000-08:00

Tonight my friend Ryan and I were on our way to someone's house for a CSULB Campus Crusade pizza party/hangout when I noticed a Larry Flynt strip club on right side of Garden Grove Blvd. I felt like I could sense the emptiness that was coming from that place. I saw a women, whom I assumed was a stripper, driving out of the parking lot. I couldn't see one ounce of fulfillment on her face. She did not look satisfied or content with where her life was, or is going. That woman was meant for so much more than the lifestyle that she probably finds herself in. No human being deserves to be treated like an object.

When it's all Said and Done

2007-01-30T22:04:00.000-08:00

Every so often I think about what my funeral would look like if I suddenly died. What would people say about me? Would people genuinely miss me? What kind of person would I be remembered as? Would people be crying? I know that I'm loved and respected by friends and family but I wonder what kind of impact that I have had on the people and places that I have been associatied with.

"For the Life That's Been Reborn, His Love Endures Forever"/ Refocused

2007-01-28T13:57:00.000-08:00

This morning I went to my friends Crista and Jenna's church, Southlands Christian Church, in Bell. Crista invited me earlier in the week and told me that there was going to be a choir of former drug addicts and alcoholics. I thought it would ineteresting so I decided to go. I'm glad that I did! It was cool to see these people who have overcome these powerful addictions by the grace of God. While some of the people were giving their testimonies I was thinking how incridibly blessed I was growing up. My parents weren't drug addicts, alcoholics, negligent, or anything else like that. They loved me so much and I always knew that they would be there for me. It's not like a grew up in a Christian household but I was raised with good morals. People in my extended family have battled (and still battle) addictions to alcohol and drugs. A lot of people who tend to abuse substances come from messed up families. Our childhoods are so incredibly important in our development as people. I find it very interesting that there are many pastors come from backrounds of hardcore partying, alcohol, and drugs. People who aren't followers of Christ probably think of pastors as being these really moral/religious people who have a "holier than thou" attitude, when in actuality they were probably more messed up then that person ever was. I always enjoy seeing how God can rescue people from the most destitute situations and and radically transforms them into one of His sons or daughters.
The service also got me refocused. If you didn't know, lately I have been feeling directionless in terms of my life and where I'm going in the present and future. Hearing all of these amazing testimonies helped me to see that I need to be devoting my time to serving God above anything and everything else in my life will work out in time.

First Week Analysis

2007-01-26T17:11:00.000-08:00

My first week of school was alright. I'm still getting used to my new sleeping routine. I found that I was exhausted at 11:30pm. During vacation I used to be wide awake at about 2am. 8am classes are not fun! Especially if you know that you wouldn't be there if you only would have tried a little harder a few months ago. Class-wise, the week was dissapointing. I'm taking my first major classes which, going into them, I was kinda excited. Those are the most boring of all the classes that I'm taking! My Accounting prof expects us to know the basics of how to do accounting just by us reading the chapters in the book. I'm not a big fan of class in general. I wish I had a fun class. I know school wasn't designed to entertain me but it would be nice to take a class that I'm half way interested in.
Campus Crusade stuff was great! I was really pumped up to see all the new faces (especially one in particular, if you know what I mean). The biggest thing will be trying to keep the new people within the movement, which is not easy. I just started my pastor Mike Erre's new book "The Jesus of Surburbia" today. Oh my goodness! I was getting goosebumps while I was reading it. If you don't know Mike is my favorite speaker in the world. I'm going to pick it up again after I'm finished with this post. Also, I have become a facebook addict over the past few days which would explain why the blog posts have not been given the most attention. Thanks a lot Jenna. Look what you've done to me. =)

End of Break/Super Stoked

2007-01-21T23:29:00.000-08:00

Well, today was our last day of break. It was probably my best break ever! I really enjoyed hanging out with you guys and having no real responsibilities. I'm going to miss the nights of staying up late and sleeping in till 11:30 every morning... I ended up getting a D- in my Math 115 class so I have to re-take it. The only available sections that worked with my schedule were 7am, 8am, and 7pm. I decided to take the 8am class. I told myself that I would never take an 8am class again but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta to do. The last time I took an 8am class was during freshman year. I would routinely hit the sleepies everyday for about an hour or two every afternoon... Oh well. It's my fault for getting the D-.
I'm super stoked about Campus Crusade this semester! During the break I decided that I was going to take a mental vacation from Crusade stuff. It was good. I didn't want to become burnt out. I just got back from my mental vacation about a week ago. I'm really excited about the outreach table, sharing, seeing the crusade crew, seeing Ryan wear his "Hangin' with my peeps" shirt, etc. I'm also super stoked about Crusade at Long Beach State. I'm going to be helping them out with promotion and maybe some other stuff. There is a ton of potential on that campus! I'm really excited!

Prayer

2007-01-20T12:50:00.000-08:00

1st of all I would like to say that the state of my core is feeling a lot better and has been for the past couple of days. So that's good.

On Thursday night "Daniel and the Ryan's Den" (DJ, Ryan K, and myself) did two seperate prayer walks at Long Beach State then at Cal State Fullerton. We were praying for our campuses and the different aspects of it where we would like to see change. It was cool. I feel like my prayer life is a weakness. At the Campus Crusade for Christ conference in San Diego Jaeson Ma asked if we wanted to make a commitment to pray for an hour a day for every day of the year. I was about to stand up because my friends did but then I realized that I probably wasn't going to be able to do it. Of course, if I changed my schedule around and made a total effort it would be feasible. But I did not want to lie to God or myself. I strive to read about two pages out of the Bible each day but only occasionally do I read that much... While we were leaving Long Beach I was thinking about a couple places in Scripture where it talks about prayer.

Here they are:
"For truly, I say to you, if you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you". Matthew 17:20.

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours". Mark 11:24

I wish I had this amount of trust and belief that God would answer my prayers. Recently I have been praying for a friend who is having trouble with her knees and wrists. I'm trying really hard to believe that God is going to take care of that. Most of the time when I pray I ask for things that I think would be fantastic if they really happen but I doubt that they ever will.

I was in the word last night and came across a passage that goes along with what I'm talking about. It is where a father of a child with an unclean spirit is asking Jesus' disciples to cast it out from him. This unclean spirit is tourturing this kid by throwing him into fire and water, convulsions, and causing foam to come out of his mouth. The disciples couldn't cast it out but then Jesus steps in.

Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.” Mark 9:23

I love the dad's response:

Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” Mark 9:24

I feel like when I pray that I pray with 50% belief and 50% non belief. I need the Lord to help me with me non-belief.

State of the Core- Not so Good

2007-01-17T18:28:00.000-08:00

The state of my core right now is pretty crappy. It's ridiculous. Nothing tragic has happened to me or anything. It's not like a friend/family member died, broke up with a girlfriend, got in a fight, or anything of the sort. My problems are extremely miniscule compared to others. I feel pretty directionless right now. There isn't really any finish line that I'm racing to. I'm just living life with no tangible goals or objectives. I keep telling myself that I'm not depressed but sometimes I'm not so sure. Sometimes I'm just happy, smiling, and laughing. At other times I'm just down for no apparent reason. I don't like the way that the state of my core fluctuates. I guess that's just life though.

All Together Seperate

2007-01-16T23:56:00.000-08:00

It is becoming more apparent to me that I am lacking a sidekick. I mean there are the dynamic duos of (Amy Grace/Merrilee), (Ryan K./DJ), (Jenna/Crista), (Mike/AJ), (Johan/Dago), and the many others. And then their are the dating duos but I don't want to rant on and on about my problems with girls (or the lack thereof). That will be a post for the future. I feel like I'm flying solo while everyone else is enjoying the ride with their buddy. It seems like I'm buddies with everyone else and their buddy. Hopefully I will find my sidekick someday.

The Word of God

2007-01-16T00:22:00.000-08:00

On Sunday night I was able to acquire a book from Mr. Brent "Stun 'em" Dunnam called "Knowing Scripture" by R.C. Sproul. The name looked familiar and then I relized that that was the same guy who did the commentary in DJ "The Danimal"s massive Bible that he carries around with him. I was able to read the 1st chapter and I found it pretty interesting. One section that I found especially interesting was when he talked about motivation in terms of reading The Bible.

Here is a portion of it:

"It is important to note that the theme of this book is not how to read the Bible but how to study the Bible. There is a great deal of difference between reading and studying. Reading is something we can do in a leisurely way, something that can be done strictly for entertainment in a casual, cavelier manner. But study suggests labor, serious and dillegent work.
Here then, is the real problem of our negligence. We fail in our duty to study God's Word not so much because it is difficult to understand, not so much because it is dull and boring, but because it is work. Our problem is not lack of intelligence or passion. Our problem is that we are lazy". (pg. 17).

This past semester of school I have been very lazy in terms of reading Scripture. And when I would read I usually would have more concern with how many pages I read instead of what the passage is really saying. I also usually read before I go to bed and I would almost always want to "hit the sleepies" rather than read The Bible. Why did/do I not see the importance of reading the words of the Creator of the entire Universe?
When I was finishing up the book of Matthew tonight I found that I was analyzing the passages more so than usual. I feel like I got a lot more out of it than just going through the motions like I usually do. Mad props to R.C. Sproul.

"What do you want out of life?"

2007-01-14T02:35:00.001-08:00

Well it's almost 3 in the morning right now and I can't fall asleep. I just got done watching reruns of two of my favorite shows ever: Full House and Boy Meets World. There is nothing good on right now so I decided to do another entry.

The outreach team here at CSUF often does surveys on campus to gauge where people are at spiritually which hopefully transitions to sharing the Gospel. One of the questions that we sometimes use is "What do you want out of life?". Almost 100 percent of the people we ask say, "To be happy". Recently I have been asking myself that same question. Here is what I came up with. I want every year to be better than the last. I never want to be living in the past wishing I was there insted of the present. I think that would be a horrible way to live life. I also want to be madly in love with my wife until the day I die. I truly hope that I can find such a person. I also would want to have as tight-nit of a family as possible. My family (meaning everyone besides me and my parents) isn't very close at all. I see my grandparents about 2-3 times a year and it's about the same or even less with my aunts, uncles, and cousins. Another thing that I would want out of life is to be doing something fulfilling. I really don't want to have a regular 9-5 job sitting in a cubicle all day. Not that there is anything wrong with that at all. Nor am I saying that desk jobs can't be fulfulling. I want to have a job that I would be willing to do for free otherwise. A job that wouldn't seem like a job and that I would enjoy going to every morning. I also would like to have a close group of life long friends. So if you boil down my answer it would be: to love, be loved, and to experience fulfillment. Being happy is only temporal in my opinion.

Facebook

2007-01-13T14:03:00.000-08:00

So it looks like I'm going to have a facebook pretty soon. I'm not sure how I feel about that. My friend Jenna pretty much told me I had to get once since the only other person in crusade who didn't have one besides myself just made one. I don't even know what facebook really looks like. I currently can't check out other people's pages since I don't have one. Hopefully it will be an enjoyable experience.

Attraction

2007-01-09T22:57:00.000-08:00

Recently I have been thinking about the whole concept of physical attraction. It is a very exciting and frustrating subject. I do not like the fact that I can't really control who I'm attracted to and who's attracted to me. I also do not like the fact that I can't earn someone's attraction. I can earn someones trust and respect but if they are not attracted to me than I'm out of luck and there is not a darn thing I can do about it. I enjoy having crushes on girls. It is exciting to think about that person all while the butterflies are going in my stomach. But I would much rather find out fairly quickly if the feelings are reciprocal. If they are not then I'm wasting my time thinking about a situation that isn't going to happen. I also don't have to over analyze every encounter with that person. If I'm attracted to someone who does not feel the same way about me then it's just like me trying to run the 100 yd dash while jogging in circles. I'm never going to reach the finish line no matter how fast I run.

Core Ideology

2007-01-06T13:43:00.000-08:00

I chose the name "coreofmyinnerbeing.blogspot.com" because this blog reflects who I am. The core of a person's inner being can be defined as is how we are doing deep down. If you ask a person how the core of their inner being is doing, you are asking them how they are really doing. None of the usual surface "I am doing good. How are you?" garbage. There are only a select few people that I feel that I can share how my core is doing. You don't want to be a "core whore". I would also suggest not talking about the state of your core with a member of the opposite gender. You could give them a glipse of your "inner being" but not your "core".
I will give you a glimpse of my "core" but I will not be discussing the depths of my core. Somethings are better left unsaid. I have been thinking lately that whenever I discuss the core of my inner being with the select few it is usually pain/sadness filled. I'm not depressed or anything so this makes me think. I wish my core was filled with joy but unfortunately joy is only temporal while we are on this earth. There will be a day when my core is filled with an everlasting joy that can't compare with anything I will experience in this lifetime.

Music

2007-01-05T12:30:00.000-08:00

The music that we choose to listen to can tell us a lot about who we are. I'm a big fan of rock music and most of it's sub-genres. I like stuff that is fast, energetic, and sometimes angry. I even like a little yelling and screaming, but not too much. I also like hip-hop a little but not nearly as much as rock.

Here are some of my favorite bands. The links will lead you to a site where you could listen to a couple of songs for free. Let me know what you think if you have the time.

1. Edison Glass: www.purevolume.com/edisonglass

2. Mayday Parade: www.purevolume.com/maydayparade

3. The Wedding: www.purevolume.com/thewedding

4. Dogwood: www.myspace.com/dogwood

5. Spacepilot: www.purevolume.com/spacepilot

6. The Midnight Hour: www.purevolume.com/midnighthour

7. Ever Stays Red: www.purevolume.com/everstaysred

8. Brawdcast (warning: although brawdcast is a Christian, he has somewhat of a "potty mouth"
www.myspace.com/brawdcast

Breaking Out of the Shell

2007-01-03T10:57:00.000-08:00

For pretty much my entire life I have been justly labled the shy kid. I did not mind the lable since it was true. Now I consider myself quiet but not shy. My freshman year at CSUF helped me break out of my shell a lot. My social skills were horrible and I could barrly hold a non-baseball conversation. I did not do small talk very well and had little desire to do so.
One of my roomates at Campus Crusade for Christ's Winter Conference told me that he had never seen me laugh! That surprised me to say the least. Then I realized that I'm only out of my shell for the most part when I'm hanging out with my close friends. They get to see the real Ryan who likes to have fun and crack the occasional joke. Another person at the conference told me during worship that he had never seen me clap to a song! Do people really think that I'm this boring/unenergetic/shy person? I hope not. Being quiet is not a bad thing but when people don't get to see who I really am, they probably have a perception of me that is not completely accurate.

My Birthday/The Journey Has Just Begun

2007-01-02T11:39:00.000-08:00

Today is my 20th birthday. I would like to truly thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday over the past couple of days. Getting out of my teenage years is not sad at all. I'm looking forward to what the twenties have to bring. Usually the 20-29 year age period brings decisions that will impact the course of the rest of your life.
I was hanging out with my friend Jen recently and she asked me what my life story was. I didn't really know how to answer that. I feel that my story is almost just beggining. That's not to say that nothing interesting has happened over the last 20 years, but there is so much that I have not experienced yet. In my twenties I expect to graduate from college, get married, have kids, get a full-time job, and lots of other things. Who knows when those things are going to happen but I hope that they do.
Recently I have been worrying about my future since I'm pretty clueless about my future occupation. When I was younger I dreamed about being a professional baseball player. I loved the game so much that I couldn't imagine myself doing anything else with the rest of my life. If my life was completely mapped out by me I would have been a 1st round draft pick out of high school, played minor league ball for 3-4 years, play in the major leagues for about 20 years, be elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame, then retire and spend time with my family. That did not work out to say the least. After not making my high school's baseball team my freshman year I had to seriously evaluate where my life was going. I thought that since I was going to have to get a regular (non-baseball) job I might as well make as much money as possible since the whole rationale behind getting a job is to make money. I used to want to be a entreprenuer. I started reading business books and even started a subscription to an entreprenuer magazine. That aspiration died when I decided I was going to be a teacher. Murrieta Valley High School required every student to have at least 40 hours of community service. I had about 12 going into the second semester of my senior year. I thought it would be a good idea to work at an elementry school for a couple hours everyday for 5 days a week and I would be done in a few weeks. I worked in my friend Shawn's mom's 3rd grade class. I loved it! I enjoyed helping out the kids with their math and reading. I got to know some of the kids pretty well and would play sports with them during recess and lunch. I couldn't wait till I got my own classroom! Then during my first year of college that dream slowly died like the rest of them. I just lost my passion/excitement for teaching. Recently I have been mulling over the possibility of being a Campus Crusade for Christ staff person. I'm not sure if I want to go in that direction. But crusade is one of the only things that I'm truly passionate about. We will see where God leads me.

Emotions

2007-01-01T21:17:00.000-08:00

Hey Everyone (anyone)! This is my first entry ever. I hope you enjoy reading it. I will try to update it every so often. I'm going to use this website to get stuff off of my chest that I wouldn't noramally share with everyone. It's going to be like reality tv but more insightful!

Here we go:

I'm usually a pretty relaxed and emotionally stable person. The past few days have almost been rollercoaster like in terms of my emotions. There are a few reasons why and a few that I don't even know yet. I just got back from Campus Crusade for Christ's annual Winter Conference in San Diego. Going into it I was honestly more interested in hanging out with my friends that growing closer to God. My motive last year was totally different. I didn't like the state that I was in spiritually and desired a radical change. God totally answered my prayers. The main speaker Mike Erre, who is the teaching pastor at Rock Harbor in Costa Mesa, presented the Gospel in a way that I had never heard it before. He talked about the "Revolution of Jesus" and how He is way more interesting than what most people would tell you. He was a nonconformist who went against the grain of the religious elite of His day. Mike spoke at almost all the main sessions and at the men's time. I was deeply impacted by God working through Mike's sermons. I consider him my favorite speaker in the world. He is extremely good at communicating the Gospel in a relevent way. Anyway, this year was not as great to say the least. I don't mean to be a complainer but a lot of the speakers this year were boring! I was excited before the conference because I knew that Mike was coming back but the day before the conference I looked at the conference schedule and noticed that Mike was only speaking on Friday. That bummed me out but I'm not so narrow minded to think that I can only learn from one speaker. I thought Dr. John Hannah was a poor choice to speak to 700ish college age students. If you are going to be having a conference for 18-26 year olds you should probably have some who isn't around 50 years older than most of us. He was not very energetic and I probably would have fallen asleep on multiple occasions if I had a pillow. I don't think he is a bad guy or anything I just think he was a poor choice for a college age conference. He communicated Gospel truths which is the most important thing but I feel like someone else could have said the same exact words and I would have gotten more out of it.
Like I was saying earlier my emotions were up and down. I think a lot had to do with the fact that I only got about 8 hours of sleep during the 1st couple of days. It seems like I get apathetic and cynical when I don't get a decent amount of sleep. I enjoyed hanging out with my friends but sometimes I would question if they really wanted to hang out with me at all. Sometimes I feel like I can be a drag or a downer since I'm fairly quiet. I'm very fortunate to have some awesome friendships that I value more than almost anything. I value them so much because I have not always had a decent amount of solid frienships. In high school I hung out with people who at the time I would probably describe as friends but in reality were nothing more than acquintances. The biggest reason for the fluctuation of my emotions was most likely
because I was comparing it to last year. The changes that happened in my life last year are still evident in my life right now. I hope all of you can experience something as life changing in your life if you have not already.

Thanks for reading my 1st entry. I genuinley appreciate you checking this out.