The Books I Read

I like to read books about peoples lives. How did this person deal with the circumstances that they were born into? What were their dreams? How did they try to achieve them? What obstacles were in their way and how did they overcome them? How did they learn from their failures? I haven't really lived too much during my 21 years. I've done some pretty cool things and seen some beautiful places but there is so much more that I want to see and do. Hopefully the journey is just beggining. I find it interesting reading about what people do with their lives. I'm in the midst of two autobiographical books right now which detail two very different lives:

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch

Randy Pausch has pancreatic cancer and only has a few months to live. He was a professor at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburg and gave his "last lecture" detailing what he learned in life and how he fulfilled his dreams. He is trying to make the most of his time left on earth by spending time with his family and by just enjoying life. He was recently named one of the 100 Most Influential People by Time Magazine. Video of his last lecture can be found on the internet if you want to check it out.

Tweak by Nic Sheff

Nic Sheff messed up his life by getting into drugs. He was from the Bay Area and then went to college out in Massachusetts. He starts doing crystal meth and soon becomes an addict. I'm at the part of the book where him and a friend start dealing the stuff.

Both of these men had similar chances to do whatever they wanted with their lives. One became a college professor who specialized in virtual reality systems while the other messed up his life significantly at an early age by getting into drugs. I find it interesting to see what people do with their time here on earth.

The End of the Semester

I have one more day of class on Friday and then finals next week. I'm so looking forward to being done with this semester. To know that I never have to take math, science, english or history again is a good feeling. It's all communications from here on out. Whether I'm going to like that is a different story. I've only taken one communications class which was during my freshman year. I didn't really like it way too much but it wasn't horrible. Finals week is usually no fun, but after my last final on Friday I'm going fishing and camping with some friends which should be cool. I'm definitely not the best fisherman in the world though. I haven't caught a fish in about 10 years. It's not that I haven't gone fishing since then but when I go I just don't get catch any when I go. It's kind of embarassing seing little kids fishing alongside of you pulling in fish while you haven't even gotten a bite.

Life

On Sunday night I went to the first official Bandette concert at one of Merrilee's professors houses. I sat in on this lady's class one time during the Fall 06 semester. I hadn't seen her for a really long time. Before Bandette started their set Dr. Salono talked about how she almost died this past year and you could just tell that she was thankful to be alive and with her family. That was interesting for me to see and it got me thinking. There have been points in my life recently where I wasn't thankful for being alive and sometimes would have preferred not to be. But to see this woman so thankful to be alive and to be with her children was inspiring. Life is filled with suffering, disappointments and other negative components but simply being with those who are most important to you is what really matters.

Summer School

I'm taking 2 classes this summer. I'm kind of looking forward to them as strange as that sounds. It will make me one step closer to getting my degree. The downside is that my class during the 1st session of the summer starts at 8am. That's not going to be fun. I'm really looking forward to taking Communications classes. My classes right now are pretty bad.

Major Change #4

I'm going to change my major again. This time I'm going with Speech Communication with an emphasis in Interpersonal Communication. I really don't like my current major (Liberal Studies). If you don't know what Liberal Studies is it's just a broad education plan that mostly future elementary school teachers do. I can still graduate next Spring with this new major which is great. As far as what I'm going to do with this new degree, who knows?

Time Passing By

I spend too much time in the future. I wonder about different potentials without spending too much time in the present. I'm not a big fan of the here and now for myself. I lack passion in almost every area of my life. Sometimes I don't even have the desire to get out of my passion-less state. Life is weird.

The Tournament

The CSUF Titans have won the Big West Championship and are headed to the NCAA Basketball Tournament. We haven't made it there since 1978. 30 years ago. It's an exciting time. I was able to make it out to all of the playoff games that we played in this year. It was exhilarating to charge the Anaheim Convention Centers court after time expired in the Championship Game versus UC Irvine. Jumping up and down, yelling, holding my "number one" finger in the air, celebrating with the players. Oh man. It was great.

Semester #6

This semester is filled with crappy classes. Here is the mid-semester review:

Math 303a- Me and math get along about as good as Boston and New York fans. I have been known to flip off multiple unresponsive math text books in my time. It's a boring class where we learn about mostly useless stuff than I will probably never use. I have it at 8:30am which makes it even less enjoyable. The worst part is that I have to take math 303b before I graduate.

English 211- This class is one of my least favorites. I don't do the reading and that is all we talk about in class. I do manage to create some pretty cool doodles in my notebook though.

Liberal Studies 302a- This is the class that I got a C- in that I have to retake. Stupid plus/minus system. We have three exams and that is it. I feel like I did pretty well on the 1st one. I have to take 302b before I graduate which is also a difficult class. I think that I'm going to take it during summer school.

English 341- Children's Literature- This class is similar to English 211 in that we spend a lot of time talking about the assigned reading. The professor assigns a ton of it too. This class is super long going from 4-6:45. It's only on Mondays though.

Biology 453- This is my only class that I have on Fridays. It is a lab and a lecture. It is almost a four hour class. It's not too difficult which is nice. The material is the most interesting out of any class that I am taking this semester.

Where Am Going?

I'm lost. I think about my future all the time. I have about 1 year of school left and I have no idea what I want to do after I graduate. I know, I know "Lots of people are in the same boat". But that only helps ease my frustrations a little. I'm majoring in Liberal Studies which is mainly for people who want to teach elementary school students. I don't want to do that for the rest of my life, or even part of it. I just wish I had my diploma. It's not like high school where you know that your diploma is going to come exactly 4 years after you start HS. There are people here in college that have graduated HS years before I did and are still chasing after that piece of paper. I imagine that it's going to be nice to be a college graduate, but then what?

Why?

Why do I feel so crappy? Why do I feel fine one week and the next I'm feeling depressed? Why do I feel lonely when I have friends who care about me?

I'm in Love

...with the Hope University Cafeteria. Man, this is so cool. I have a buffet within walking distance from my new dorm. I can have as much food as I want. This sure beats the heck out of the days of tv dinners and hot pockets. I have so many choices. I initially said that I wasn't going to live at Hope next year but I'm not so sure anymore.

2008

So many different things can happen this year. I have no clue how it is going to turn out which is part of what makes it exciting. I love how their is always a new beggining every Jan 1st. If your 07 wasn't the greatest, nothing says that 08 can't be better.

Happy Birthday Blog!

Today is the one year anniversary of my first post here on coreofmyinnerbeing.blogspot.com. It has been an interesting year. I would say that it was the best year of my life. I'm hoping that 2008 will be even better. Thanks to everyone who checks this website out. I appreciate it.

Frustrated

I got a C- in my Liberal Studies 302a class. A C- is not a passing grade. I have to take this stupid class over again and it might ruin my plan to graduate in 3 semesters. It's not like I got a D or an F. I got a C-! Frick! It especially frustrating because it ruined my schedule that I was stoked about for next semester. I had classes only on Monday and Wednesday. There are only 2 available sections of 302A available and the one on Monday and Wednesday is at 1pm when I already have a class scheduled. It's not a humongous deal if I graduate in 4.5 years instead of 4 but this C- deal frustrates me.

My New Job

I got a brand new job today. I'm going to be working at Black Angus. I'm stoked about it! I've been wanting to work at a restaraunt for awhile so I'm glad that someting worked out. I'm going to be starting out as a host. Hopefully I can work my way up to be a server eventually. This is my fourth job and hopefully my last for awhile.

Changes

When I was younger I did not like change very much at all. I would hate it when I would have to transition to wearing pants in the winter and shorts in the spring/summer. It was difficult for me to do something different. I'm going to be going through some fairly big changes in the next month or two which I am looking forward to. One of the big changes is in my class schedule for next semester. I only have classes on Mondays and Wednesdays. That might not seem like a huge change but for me it is. I've gone to school Monday through Friday since Kindergarten so it will be cool to have four day weekends and to also have Tuesdays off. As for what I'm going to be doing with all of this free time, I'm not sure. We'll see what happens. I also am going to be moving to the Hope dorms which are right across the street from CSUF. It's going to be fun living with my good friend Mark and being so close to campus. I'm really looking forward to eating at the cafeteria. The CSUF dorms don't have a cafeteria and while I was staying there I lived off of hotpockets, tv dinners and Chef Boyardee for the most part. I'm embracing change as of right now. The start of a new journey is not too far away.

Finals

Finals are next week. Ugh. I have two on Tuesday, two on Wednesday, and one on Thursday. Finals week is pretty much the only time I really stress about school. I don't think that any of my finals are cumilative which is good. Finals are especially a pain for me when I have a grade(s) that are on the border between a C and D. Hopefully everything will work out.

The Last Few Weeks of School

Today is the last day of Thanksgiving vacation. It was been a good one. The week kind of went by fairly quickly. It's all good though. I feel rested and only have 3 more weeks of school left before having around a month off. Finals week, like always, is not going to be fun. If I don't pass my Liberal Studies 302A class it will throw off my plan to graduate in four years without taking summer school or inetercession. I'm a concerned about the upcoming vacation. I still don't have a job and I don't have any major plans except Winter Conference.

The Future

For almost the past half year I have been thinking about the past a lot. Thinking back to when times were good and I was very happy. I look back upon the past few months and I've been wondering where all the time went. It's natural that it is going to take time to heal, but man! I wish I didn't hurt anymore. I wish that I didn't think about the past and I could be stoked about my future. I don't have anyone to be stoked with and that is my problem. I don't enjoy being single. I was single for far too long and now I'm back. I don't need a girlfriend but the happiest I have ever been was when I had one. Life isn't horrible and I'm thankful for the the friendships that I have. Something is missing though.

Reading

I've been doing a lot of reading recently. I just finished a book that I borrowed from DJ titled "The Mark of a Man". It was pretty good. It talked about what it looks like to be a man and discussed what it looks like to be masculine and feminine from a Biblical perspective. Reading is something that I did not enjoy when I was younger. Now it's one of my favorite things to do. I can learn from some really intelligent people without ever leaving the comforts of my apartment. The wisdom that these men and women have learned and written down has changed my way of thinking for the better and hopefully I will be able to pass this acquired knowledge down to those around me in conversation. There are so many books that I would like to read. I wish that I read faster. I want to try to read more books by John Eldredge who is the writer of the book Wild at Heart. I've read three of his books and I've throughly enjoyed them all. Maybe one day I'll be a writer.