Thursday, December 27, 2007

Frustrated

I got a C- in my Liberal Studies 302a class. A C- is not a passing grade. I have to take this stupid class over again and it might ruin my plan to graduate in 3 semesters. It's not like I got a D or an F. I got a C-! Frick! It especially frustrating because it ruined my schedule that I was stoked about for next semester. I had classes only on Monday and Wednesday. There are only 2 available sections of 302A available and the one on Monday and Wednesday is at 1pm when I already have a class scheduled. It's not a humongous deal if I graduate in 4.5 years instead of 4 but this C- deal frustrates me.

Friday, December 21, 2007

My New Job

I got a brand new job today. I'm going to be working at Black Angus. I'm stoked about it! I've been wanting to work at a restaraunt for awhile so I'm glad that someting worked out. I'm going to be starting out as a host. Hopefully I can work my way up to be a server eventually. This is my fourth job and hopefully my last for awhile.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Changes

When I was younger I did not like change very much at all. I would hate it when I would have to transition to wearing pants in the winter and shorts in the spring/summer. It was difficult for me to do something different. I'm going to be going through some fairly big changes in the next month or two which I am looking forward to. One of the big changes is in my class schedule for next semester. I only have classes on Mondays and Wednesdays. That might not seem like a huge change but for me it is. I've gone to school Monday through Friday since Kindergarten so it will be cool to have four day weekends and to also have Tuesdays off. As for what I'm going to be doing with all of this free time, I'm not sure. We'll see what happens. I also am going to be moving to the Hope dorms which are right across the street from CSUF. It's going to be fun living with my good friend Mark and being so close to campus. I'm really looking forward to eating at the cafeteria. The CSUF dorms don't have a cafeteria and while I was staying there I lived off of hotpockets, tv dinners and Chef Boyardee for the most part. I'm embracing change as of right now. The start of a new journey is not too far away.

Finals

Finals are next week. Ugh. I have two on Tuesday, two on Wednesday, and one on Thursday. Finals week is pretty much the only time I really stress about school. I don't think that any of my finals are cumilative which is good. Finals are especially a pain for me when I have a grade(s) that are on the border between a C and D. Hopefully everything will work out.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

The Last Few Weeks of School

Today is the last day of Thanksgiving vacation. It was been a good one. The week kind of went by fairly quickly. It's all good though. I feel rested and only have 3 more weeks of school left before having around a month off. Finals week, like always, is not going to be fun. If I don't pass my Liberal Studies 302A class it will throw off my plan to graduate in four years without taking summer school or inetercession. I'm a concerned about the upcoming vacation. I still don't have a job and I don't have any major plans except Winter Conference.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

The Future

For almost the past half year I have been thinking about the past a lot. Thinking back to when times were good and I was very happy. I look back upon the past few months and I've been wondering where all the time went. It's natural that it is going to take time to heal, but man! I wish I didn't hurt anymore. I wish that I didn't think about the past and I could be stoked about my future. I don't have anyone to be stoked with and that is my problem. I don't enjoy being single. I was single for far too long and now I'm back. I don't need a girlfriend but the happiest I have ever been was when I had one. Life isn't horrible and I'm thankful for the the friendships that I have. Something is missing though.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Reading

I've been doing a lot of reading recently. I just finished a book that I borrowed from DJ titled "The Mark of a Man". It was pretty good. It talked about what it looks like to be a man and discussed what it looks like to be masculine and feminine from a Biblical perspective. Reading is something that I did not enjoy when I was younger. Now it's one of my favorite things to do. I can learn from some really intelligent people without ever leaving the comforts of my apartment. The wisdom that these men and women have learned and written down has changed my way of thinking for the better and hopefully I will be able to pass this acquired knowledge down to those around me in conversation. There are so many books that I would like to read. I wish that I read faster. I want to try to read more books by John Eldredge who is the writer of the book Wild at Heart. I've read three of his books and I've throughly enjoyed them all. Maybe one day I'll be a writer.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Stuff

I want to update the blog but their is nothing specific that I really want to write about exclusively. So, I'm just going to write about some unrelated things:

- I still have to buy at least one more text book. I'm not sure how many I need to get. I really don't like buying books for school. I don't usually enjoy reading them and sometimes I choose not to.

- I'm still reading that book called Prayer by Phillip Yancey. I wish I was in the mood to read more often. I probably would have finished it awhile ago.

- Today was the 1st day of outreach for the outreach team for Campus Crusade. We ended up having 4 spiritual conversations with people. I met a guy who went to my high school. We had the usual "same hs conversation". Do you know this person? We ended up knowing the same people that we asked eachother about.

- The 1st week of school is over. It was packed with stuff that had to get done. Cru was awesome! 117 people! Praise God

- I'm not a big fan of commuting anymore. It's only been a week and I'm tired of facing the dilema of driving 10 min back to the apt and coming back or staying on campus. I really want some trail mix right now that's in the kitchen but I can't get it unless I drive back. Living in the dorms definitely had it's benefits. I wouldn't want to go back, I'm just saying. I could go back and take a nap, eat lunch, watch tv, etc.

- I took a nap in the grass today. I can't remember the last time I fell asleep outside.

- Life is getting better.

Monday, August 20, 2007

1st day of school

Today is the 1st day of my 3rd year of college. Who the heck knows what's going to take place this year. It will be exciting to see what comes my way and where I end up. My life is radically different than where it was a few years ago.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Roomates

Today is the 1st day of having at least one full time roomate at my new place. Hopefully it will turn out well. I think it will. This is the 1st time where I'm living with people who I knew before we actually became roomates. Living in the dorms was alright but it feels good to be living off campus. It has a more "grown up" feel. Living by myself sucked for the past two months. It was cool having my friend Colin stay for awhile before he moved into his apartment around a month ago. "Daniel and the Ryan's Den" was alive and well this summer. For those of you who don't know Daniel and the Ryan's Den was going to be the name of the apartment that DJ, Klement, and some 4th guy (preferably named Ryan) were going to be getting. It didn't work out but whenever the 3 of us get together we call it "the den". Maybe the den will move to a more permanent location in the future. Who knows?

Friday, July 27, 2007

?

I feel like I should write something. The blog went on hiatus for a few months but it's making a comback, hopefully to stay. I used to love writing about my core when I first started this thing. The status of my core has obviously been better than what it is now but thats life.

Here's what I've been up to lately:

-Read a book by the former Korn guitarist "Head". It was cool reading about his testimony of turning away from drugs, alcohol, partying, etc into a life that is trying to serve God. I've also started a few other books. One is called prayer by Phillip Yancey and the other is a book about William Wilberforce who helped fight slavery in Britain.


- Work. Its boring. I work at the OC Register in their cafeteria. Plus side- there is a tv, so I get to watch Sportscenter and Angels games when they are on the east coast.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Accounting Sucks

Don't take accounting unless you have to. It is horrible. It's confusing stuff. It's almost as if Iam taking a foreign language. I probably know more spanish than I do accouting principles. I have a test tomorrow and I'm frustrated and I feel like venting. This class is one of the main reasons why I'm probably going to change my major. I know not all business classes are like this, but my other business classes are a drag as well. I can't see myself doing this kind of stuff for the rest of my life.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Bass

I'm currently in the process of learning how to play bass guitar. It has been a really good experience so far. I attempted to learn how to play guitar throughout HS but I gave up repeatedly. The bass is cool since for most songs you only use two strings. It is also great having two people giving me free lessons. I would like to send some online hand pounds out to Amy Grace and Nat. I really appreciate it guys. With guitar I tried to teach myself by finding tabs of my favorite songs and trying to play those. I was often left confused and frustrated. If I could have any job in the world my first choice would be to be a baseball player but my second choice would be to play in a band. I hope that will happen someday.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Change

It's crazy to think about how much I have grown as a person since college started. I feel like I've even changed a lot since the beggining of this school year. I'm becoming more of the person that I want to be. I used to be almost a completely different person not too long ago. I like the direction where my life is going.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Let it Flow

I started writing a blog entry about my summer project but I wasn't feeling inspired to write about it, so it didn't sound too well. I don't want to force a blog entry if I'm not feeling it. I'm going to write on the fly in this post and whatever comes out naturally is what you'll hear.

- I woke up at 6 in morning today to write a paper for my Women in American Society class. I knocked it out in a couple hours. I enjoy procrastinating until the last moment. I feel like I do beter under pressure with school stuff.

- I wanted to go to the CSUF baseball game tonight but was unable to due to the Campus Crusade leadership team meeting. It's fine. I imagine that I will go to plenty of Titan games in my lifetime. I'm probably going to at least one game this weekend against Rice University.

- I'm on the look out for new bands that I enjoy listening to. I'm really starting to get into two different bands: Much the Same and Procession Came Opposite. I doubt that you have heard of them but they are two extremely good bands. Lots of energy.

-I have been thinking about how people complain that CSUF is a comuter school. I feel like it is almost a good thing that it is. If it wasn't then I doubt I would still be in contact with my friends as much after I graduate because everyone would be living far away from eachother. I hope that we all still see eachother on a regular basis after graduation.

- I wish I played guitar and could sing well. I would love to be in a band. Often times when I'm cruisin down Imperial, I rock out to a cd and imagine that I'm singing at a gig. But then I realize that I have a crappy voice and it bums me out a little. Another dream of mine that probably will never happen.

- The status of my core is pretty good. Life is going well right now

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The Journey

I feel like I'm lost on a journey with no destination. I don't know where I'm going with my life. I'm in one of those Ecclesiastes modes. There is no real finish line in my life right now. I'm just living life hoping that I will stumble accross what I'm meant to do. I know that I shouldn't be concerned about the future but it's hard not to be when the real world is not too far away. For most of my life I had a journey: I was going to be a pro baseball player. When that dream experienced a slow and painful death I was left directionless. There were a few mirages of finish lines but they probably wouldn't have satisfied my desires. Whatever they are.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Home

Today I went back home to my parents house in Murrieta. I wasn't planning on coming home this weekend but I decided to after I got up from my nap this afternoon. It took me about 2 hours due to traffic. It usually only takes an hour. During my freshman year of college I went home every single weekend. I wanted to be here with all of the comforts that I was used to for the previous 18 years of my life. Last weekend when I went home it was the 1st time that I had made the trek down here in over a month. I enjoy being at college on the weekends. Pretty much all of my friends live in Orange or LA county so it would make sense for me to stay up there. My dorm is starting to feel more and more like a home. I always used to correct my parents when they call my dorm my "home" because I felt that home is where they were. I'm starting to feel like the dorm is now my home whereas my parents house is starting to feel more like a hotel.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

I feel like I should write something

Tonight at the Campus Crusade leadership team meeting I was thinking that I should update my blog. I don't really have anything in particular that I want to write about so I'm probably going to write about a bunch of unrelated events. Here we go:

-I have been thinking about my future recently. I wonder what my life if going to look like after college. It's a reality that I don't want to face. That kinda sucks because you should always be stoked about what's coming up in your life. I think about in what capacity that I'm going to be serving God. Right now it's easy through Campus Crusade but I'm not always going to be in college, unfortunately.

- I have an Accounting test tomorrow. I have been procrastinating with the hw and studying. I don't like this class.

- I applied to be an RA yesterday. I really hope I get the job! I will find out later this week.

- One of my favorite bands, Kings to You, are playing a show one week from tonight at the Alley in downtown Fullerton. I won't be able to go since I have a leadership team meeting. I'm going to try to go to their cd release party concert in San Marcos in mid-March.

-I rented a dvd at Blockbuster that has 8 episodes of the tv show Dinosaurs. I have been thinking about this show for awhile and how it is never in reruns. It has been fun watching episodes that I haven't seen for around 10 years.

-Valentines day: It has traditionally been a sad day for the Rymac. This year I'm not worried about it. I'm going to watch the Titans demolish the 49ers and dethrone them of their 1st place status.

-I had some BBQ chicken Hotpockets today. They were really good. I would suggest that you go and buy some immediately.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

?

What would our lives, friends, family, campus, generation, country, world look like if we each individually devoted our lives only to the Kingdom of God?

Friday, February 9, 2007

A Day in the Life of Rymac- Part II

(If you haven't read the post that I wrote yesterday I would suggest reading that one first because we're going in chronological order)

3ish o'clock: Went back to the library to finish Fury. It seems like I had to pay attention a lot more than I would for a current movie. After finishing it I decided to check the database for dvds since I had only been looking at the vhs tapes. I found a documentary about the Kent State shootings that took place during the Vietnam War. I didn't know too much about the incident but I had heard bits and pieces about it. I was just about to check it out and then someone called me

4:00- The Danimal himself called me to see if he wanted to hang out for a little while Crista was baby-sitting Brent "Stun 'em" Dunnam's baby. We went to Sports Challet to look for a basketball bag. Then we went to my dorm and relaxed. He showed me a couple cool websites. The first is pandora.com . This site is just what I needed! You type in a band and it will play a song by them and songs from other bands that have a similar sound. I love it! I'm always looking for new music on myspace and purevolume.com but this makes my job so much easier. Also, he showed me how to see trailers for upcoming movies on apple.com .

7:00- I went to Molcasalsa with my roomate Rolando. I probably go to this place at least twice a week. I got some carne asade fries (carne asada, fries, beans, cheese, gucamole, and sour cream). My friend Sarah introduced me to Molcasalsa after we went to Rock Harbor one Sunday morning. I wanted to go to a place that I had never been before and a place that wasn't your typical fast food resturaunt. We drove around for a little while and saw Molcasalsa and the rest is history.

8:00: Went back to the library and checked out the documentary about the Kent State shootings. It was very well made. I also watched part of a video about the brain and thinking. It was interesting.

That was about it for my Thursday. It was a pretty good day overall.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

A Day in the Life of Rymac- Part I

I decided early today that I was going to write a blog entry of a day in the life of myself. So here we go:

7:05am- I heard the most annoying sound known to man, my alarm clock. I was suprised I was as tired as I was since I had gone to bed before midnight the night before. I got my cell phone and set the alarm till 7:25, after that went off I set it till 7:35. I was still tired so I set it till 7:42. I finally got out of bed and checked my facebook because I'm obsessed with it. It's getting to the point where I might need some clinical help. Ok, it's not that bad and I'm getting better in terms of not checking it every waking hour of my waking existence.

8:25am- I got to my math class 25ish minutes late. I didn't care though. I've only been on time to that class a few times the whole semester. The best thing about class today is that class only lasted about 10-15 minutes after I got there! My next class was at 11:30 so I had a very large break. I went to the alumni lounge in the TSU and read some in the book of Luke. I was feeling pretty hungry and in need of some grubski so I made my way over to Busy Bee. Orange Chicken combo plate with fried rice and chowmein. The lady who got the food gave me a ton of orange chicken which is always good. The day before when I was at Long Beach State my new friend Heather and I went over to Panda Express and she kinda got short-changed on her orange chicken. So I ate lunch at 9:30am which is weird but good.

10:00am- I decided I was going to go to the library and watch a movie. I found two different films. The one that I ended up watching during this session was called Fury. It was released in 1936. It wasn't that great. I would write about the movie but I feel like this is going to be a long post already.

11:30- Economics class. Ugh. This guy/class is so boring. He is offering us extra credit if we watch the documentary Biggie and Tupac, which is pretty cool. Whenever he would talk about Tupac he would always pronounce it "two pack". That was pretty funny, I'm not going to lie.

11:43: Walked as fast as I could to Richard "Good Bye Lunna" s show in the TSU Pub. I was able to catch the final two songs and I was thoroughly impressed. I had checked out his myspace music site but I wasn't that impressed. He sounded great live! I grabbed a demo and headed of to the land of boredom (also known as class).

1:05- Went to Women in American Society and was bored out of my mind. I really don't want to talk about it. I will probably start counting down the remaining days I have left in that class.

2:15ish: Went to the career center to see if they could help me make a resume since I need one. I'm going to apply to be an RA for the rest of this semester since there are two brand new openings since two guys recently got fired. It would be nice to have some spending money for things like cds, Molcasalsa, and random expenditures.

I've just decided that I'm going to make this a two part series. I know all of you are desperately wondering what other amazing things happened today but they will have to wait till tomorrow.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Classes

So far my classes this semester are way different than the last few semesters of college. The major classes that I'm taking are a pain. Here is an analysis of all of the courses that I'm taking:

Math 115 College Algebra: This is the class that I got a D- in last semester. I have this class at 8am and I'm routinely 10-20 minutes late everyday. I really don't care about this class. I know how to do most of the stuff already. On the plus side having the D- prevented me from advancing to Math 135 Business Calculus. I really don't want to take that class. Hopefully I can pick a major that I'm half way interested in before I have to take that.

Business Management 246: This class is only good because the professor makes it entertaining. This is probably my favorite class (which isn't saying much). I tend to judge my like/dislikeness of a class by how funny the prof is.

Accounting: Oh my goodness! This is by far my least favorite class times 10. This guy doesn't have teaching skills at all. This stuff is hard and he doesn't explain it well.

Economics: This class is my second least favorite. Not a great prof. Boring topic. Hour and fifteen minutes of pure boredom.

Women in American Society: Many of you might be thinking "why would you take this class Ryan?". Well the answer is that I needed an upper division GE class and I did not feel like taking an math, science, or foreign language. This class, just like economics, is an hour and fifteen minutes of pure boredom. There are only 3 other guys in the class, which I normally wouldn't mind (if you know what I mean).

Overall, this semester is going to suck for classes. Campus Crusade-wise, it looks to be pretty freakin awesome! I care way more about Crusade so it is easier to get through the boredom of class.

Friday, February 2, 2007

The Rock Show

I just got back from a concert in San Juan Capistrano. It was a lot of fun! My friend Allison and I made the trip down to south Orange County to see one of my favorite bands, Spacepilot. They are an unsigned band from Laguna Nigel whom I found on the internet. The show was at the Coach House off of Camino Capistrano. Here is what went down:

Cory Benjamin and Friends (http://myspace.com/corybenjaminandfriends) : These guys were the 1st band. They weren't that great. They had a song about Invisible Children which I thought was cool. The last time Allison and I went to a show together was at an Invisible Children benefit show at Biola. I met Cory when I was on my way to the Spacepilot merch area. Nice guy.

Platos Republic (http://myspace.com/platosrepublic): This band was a lot better than the 1st. The lead singer had a great voice and was a very skilled guitar player. Good music.

Spacepilot (www.myspace.com/spacepilot) : The band that I wanted to see the most. They played about 5-6 songs. I would have liked to have heard a few more but they weren't the headliners. They played a bunch of new songs which I had never heard before. The played only one song that I had heard. They played well. It was my first time seeing them perform live. I ended up getting a shirt and a cd from them.

The Outline (www.myspace.com/theoutline): This band was pretty darn good. Lots of energy. They played fast and loud which was great. Probably my favorite act of the night.

Polysics (http://www.purevolume.com/polysics): The headliners. These guys are a punk/electronica band from Japan. The had more energy than any band that I have ever seen in my life. The frontman/guitar player was insane! He chugged a whole cup of beer while the female bass player was singing a song. He would venture out into the audience on the tables that were next to the stage. They did a cover of "My Sharona" which was cool. That was the only song that I could understand since I don't speak Japanese.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

"We Were Meant For So Much More"

Tonight my friend Ryan and I were on our way to someone's house for a CSULB Campus Crusade pizza party/hangout when I noticed a Larry Flynt strip club on right side of Garden Grove Blvd. I felt like I could sense the emptiness that was coming from that place. I saw a women, whom I assumed was a stripper, driving out of the parking lot. I couldn't see one ounce of fulfillment on her face. She did not look satisfied or content with where her life was, or is going. That woman was meant for so much more than the lifestyle that she probably finds herself in. No human being deserves to be treated like an object.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

When it's all Said and Done

Every so often I think about what my funeral would look like if I suddenly died. What would people say about me? Would people genuinely miss me? What kind of person would I be remembered as? Would people be crying? I know that I'm loved and respected by friends and family but I wonder what kind of impact that I have had on the people and places that I have been associatied with.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

"For the Life That's Been Reborn, His Love Endures Forever"/ Refocused

This morning I went to my friends Crista and Jenna's church, Southlands Christian Church, in Bell. Crista invited me earlier in the week and told me that there was going to be a choir of former drug addicts and alcoholics. I thought it would ineteresting so I decided to go. I'm glad that I did! It was cool to see these people who have overcome these powerful addictions by the grace of God. While some of the people were giving their testimonies I was thinking how incridibly blessed I was growing up. My parents weren't drug addicts, alcoholics, negligent, or anything else like that. They loved me so much and I always knew that they would be there for me. It's not like a grew up in a Christian household but I was raised with good morals. People in my extended family have battled (and still battle) addictions to alcohol and drugs. A lot of people who tend to abuse substances come from messed up families. Our childhoods are so incredibly important in our development as people. I find it very interesting that there are many pastors come from backrounds of hardcore partying, alcohol, and drugs. People who aren't followers of Christ probably think of pastors as being these really moral/religious people who have a "holier than thou" attitude, when in actuality they were probably more messed up then that person ever was. I always enjoy seeing how God can rescue people from the most destitute situations and and radically transforms them into one of His sons or daughters.
The service also got me refocused. If you didn't know, lately I have been feeling directionless in terms of my life and where I'm going in the present and future. Hearing all of these amazing testimonies helped me to see that I need to be devoting my time to serving God above anything and everything else in my life will work out in time.

Friday, January 26, 2007

First Week Analysis

My first week of school was alright. I'm still getting used to my new sleeping routine. I found that I was exhausted at 11:30pm. During vacation I used to be wide awake at about 2am. 8am classes are not fun! Especially if you know that you wouldn't be there if you only would have tried a little harder a few months ago. Class-wise, the week was dissapointing. I'm taking my first major classes which, going into them, I was kinda excited. Those are the most boring of all the classes that I'm taking! My Accounting prof expects us to know the basics of how to do accounting just by us reading the chapters in the book. I'm not a big fan of class in general. I wish I had a fun class. I know school wasn't designed to entertain me but it would be nice to take a class that I'm half way interested in.
Campus Crusade stuff was great! I was really pumped up to see all the new faces (especially one in particular, if you know what I mean). The biggest thing will be trying to keep the new people within the movement, which is not easy. I just started my pastor Mike Erre's new book "The Jesus of Surburbia" today. Oh my goodness! I was getting goosebumps while I was reading it. If you don't know Mike is my favorite speaker in the world. I'm going to pick it up again after I'm finished with this post. Also, I have become a facebook addict over the past few days which would explain why the blog posts have not been given the most attention. Thanks a lot Jenna. Look what you've done to me. =)

Sunday, January 21, 2007

End of Break/Super Stoked

Well, today was our last day of break. It was probably my best break ever! I really enjoyed hanging out with you guys and having no real responsibilities. I'm going to miss the nights of staying up late and sleeping in till 11:30 every morning... I ended up getting a D- in my Math 115 class so I have to re-take it. The only available sections that worked with my schedule were 7am, 8am, and 7pm. I decided to take the 8am class. I told myself that I would never take an 8am class again but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta to do. The last time I took an 8am class was during freshman year. I would routinely hit the sleepies everyday for about an hour or two every afternoon... Oh well. It's my fault for getting the D-.
I'm super stoked about Campus Crusade this semester! During the break I decided that I was going to take a mental vacation from Crusade stuff. It was good. I didn't want to become burnt out. I just got back from my mental vacation about a week ago. I'm really excited about the outreach table, sharing, seeing the crusade crew, seeing Ryan wear his "Hangin' with my peeps" shirt, etc. I'm also super stoked about Crusade at Long Beach State. I'm going to be helping them out with promotion and maybe some other stuff. There is a ton of potential on that campus! I'm really excited!

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Prayer

1st of all I would like to say that the state of my core is feeling a lot better and has been for the past couple of days. So that's good.

On Thursday night "Daniel and the Ryan's Den" (DJ, Ryan K, and myself) did two seperate prayer walks at Long Beach State then at Cal State Fullerton. We were praying for our campuses and the different aspects of it where we would like to see change. It was cool. I feel like my prayer life is a weakness. At the Campus Crusade for Christ conference in San Diego Jaeson Ma asked if we wanted to make a commitment to pray for an hour a day for every day of the year. I was about to stand up because my friends did but then I realized that I probably wasn't going to be able to do it. Of course, if I changed my schedule around and made a total effort it would be feasible. But I did not want to lie to God or myself. I strive to read about two pages out of the Bible each day but only occasionally do I read that much... While we were leaving Long Beach I was thinking about a couple places in Scripture where it talks about prayer.

Here they are:
"For truly, I say to you, if you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you". Matthew 17:20.

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours". Mark 11:24

I wish I had this amount of trust and belief that God would answer my prayers. Recently I have been praying for a friend who is having trouble with her knees and wrists. I'm trying really hard to believe that God is going to take care of that. Most of the time when I pray I ask for things that I think would be fantastic if they really happen but I doubt that they ever will.

I was in the word last night and came across a passage that goes along with what I'm talking about. It is where a father of a child with an unclean spirit is asking Jesus' disciples to cast it out from him. This unclean spirit is tourturing this kid by throwing him into fire and water, convulsions, and causing foam to come out of his mouth. The disciples couldn't cast it out but then Jesus steps in.

Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.” Mark 9:23

I love the dad's response:

Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” Mark 9:24

I feel like when I pray that I pray with 50% belief and 50% non belief. I need the Lord to help me with me non-belief.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

State of the Core- Not so Good

The state of my core right now is pretty crappy. It's ridiculous. Nothing tragic has happened to me or anything. It's not like a friend/family member died, broke up with a girlfriend, got in a fight, or anything of the sort. My problems are extremely miniscule compared to others. I feel pretty directionless right now. There isn't really any finish line that I'm racing to. I'm just living life with no tangible goals or objectives. I keep telling myself that I'm not depressed but sometimes I'm not so sure. Sometimes I'm just happy, smiling, and laughing. At other times I'm just down for no apparent reason. I don't like the way that the state of my core fluctuates. I guess that's just life though.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

All Together Seperate

It is becoming more apparent to me that I am lacking a sidekick. I mean there are the dynamic duos of (Amy Grace/Merrilee), (Ryan K./DJ), (Jenna/Crista), (Mike/AJ), (Johan/Dago), and the many others. And then their are the dating duos but I don't want to rant on and on about my problems with girls (or the lack thereof). That will be a post for the future. I feel like I'm flying solo while everyone else is enjoying the ride with their buddy. It seems like I'm buddies with everyone else and their buddy. Hopefully I will find my sidekick someday.

The Word of God

On Sunday night I was able to acquire a book from Mr. Brent "Stun 'em" Dunnam called "Knowing Scripture" by R.C. Sproul. The name looked familiar and then I relized that that was the same guy who did the commentary in DJ "The Danimal"s massive Bible that he carries around with him. I was able to read the 1st chapter and I found it pretty interesting. One section that I found especially interesting was when he talked about motivation in terms of reading The Bible.

Here is a portion of it:

"It is important to note that the theme of this book is not how to read the Bible but how to study the Bible. There is a great deal of difference between reading and studying. Reading is something we can do in a leisurely way, something that can be done strictly for entertainment in a casual, cavelier manner. But study suggests labor, serious and dillegent work.
Here then, is the real problem of our negligence. We fail in our duty to study God's Word not so much because it is difficult to understand, not so much because it is dull and boring, but because it is work. Our problem is not lack of intelligence or passion. Our problem is that we are lazy". (pg. 17).

This past semester of school I have been very lazy in terms of reading Scripture. And when I would read I usually would have more concern with how many pages I read instead of what the passage is really saying. I also usually read before I go to bed and I would almost always want to "hit the sleepies" rather than read The Bible. Why did/do I not see the importance of reading the words of the Creator of the entire Universe?
When I was finishing up the book of Matthew tonight I found that I was analyzing the passages more so than usual. I feel like I got a lot more out of it than just going through the motions like I usually do. Mad props to R.C. Sproul.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

"What do you want out of life?"

Well it's almost 3 in the morning right now and I can't fall asleep. I just got done watching reruns of two of my favorite shows ever: Full House and Boy Meets World. There is nothing good on right now so I decided to do another entry.

The outreach team here at CSUF often does surveys on campus to gauge where people are at spiritually which hopefully transitions to sharing the Gospel. One of the questions that we sometimes use is "What do you want out of life?". Almost 100 percent of the people we ask say, "To be happy". Recently I have been asking myself that same question. Here is what I came up with. I want every year to be better than the last. I never want to be living in the past wishing I was there insted of the present. I think that would be a horrible way to live life. I also want to be madly in love with my wife until the day I die. I truly hope that I can find such a person. I also would want to have as tight-nit of a family as possible. My family (meaning everyone besides me and my parents) isn't very close at all. I see my grandparents about 2-3 times a year and it's about the same or even less with my aunts, uncles, and cousins. Another thing that I would want out of life is to be doing something fulfilling. I really don't want to have a regular 9-5 job sitting in a cubicle all day. Not that there is anything wrong with that at all. Nor am I saying that desk jobs can't be fulfulling. I want to have a job that I would be willing to do for free otherwise. A job that wouldn't seem like a job and that I would enjoy going to every morning. I also would like to have a close group of life long friends. So if you boil down my answer it would be: to love, be loved, and to experience fulfillment. Being happy is only temporal in my opinion.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Facebook

So it looks like I'm going to have a facebook pretty soon. I'm not sure how I feel about that. My friend Jenna pretty much told me I had to get once since the only other person in crusade who didn't have one besides myself just made one. I don't even know what facebook really looks like. I currently can't check out other people's pages since I don't have one. Hopefully it will be an enjoyable experience.

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Attraction

Recently I have been thinking about the whole concept of physical attraction. It is a very exciting and frustrating subject. I do not like the fact that I can't really control who I'm attracted to and who's attracted to me. I also do not like the fact that I can't earn someone's attraction. I can earn someones trust and respect but if they are not attracted to me than I'm out of luck and there is not a darn thing I can do about it. I enjoy having crushes on girls. It is exciting to think about that person all while the butterflies are going in my stomach. But I would much rather find out fairly quickly if the feelings are reciprocal. If they are not then I'm wasting my time thinking about a situation that isn't going to happen. I also don't have to over analyze every encounter with that person. If I'm attracted to someone who does not feel the same way about me then it's just like me trying to run the 100 yd dash while jogging in circles. I'm never going to reach the finish line no matter how fast I run.

Saturday, January 6, 2007

Core Ideology

I chose the name "coreofmyinnerbeing.blogspot.com" because this blog reflects who I am. The core of a person's inner being can be defined as is how we are doing deep down. If you ask a person how the core of their inner being is doing, you are asking them how they are really doing. None of the usual surface "I am doing good. How are you?" garbage. There are only a select few people that I feel that I can share how my core is doing. You don't want to be a "core whore". I would also suggest not talking about the state of your core with a member of the opposite gender. You could give them a glipse of your "inner being" but not your "core".
I will give you a glimpse of my "core" but I will not be discussing the depths of my core. Somethings are better left unsaid. I have been thinking lately that whenever I discuss the core of my inner being with the select few it is usually pain/sadness filled. I'm not depressed or anything so this makes me think. I wish my core was filled with joy but unfortunately joy is only temporal while we are on this earth. There will be a day when my core is filled with an everlasting joy that can't compare with anything I will experience in this lifetime.

Friday, January 5, 2007

Music

The music that we choose to listen to can tell us a lot about who we are. I'm a big fan of rock music and most of it's sub-genres. I like stuff that is fast, energetic, and sometimes angry. I even like a little yelling and screaming, but not too much. I also like hip-hop a little but not nearly as much as rock.

Here are some of my favorite bands. The links will lead you to a site where you could listen to a couple of songs for free. Let me know what you think if you have the time.

1. Edison Glass: www.purevolume.com/edisonglass

2. Mayday Parade: www.purevolume.com/maydayparade

3. The Wedding: www.purevolume.com/thewedding

4. Dogwood: www.myspace.com/dogwood

5. Spacepilot: www.purevolume.com/spacepilot

6. The Midnight Hour: www.purevolume.com/midnighthour

7. Ever Stays Red: www.purevolume.com/everstaysred

8. Brawdcast (warning: although brawdcast is a Christian, he has somewhat of a "potty mouth"
www.myspace.com/brawdcast

Wednesday, January 3, 2007

Breaking Out of the Shell

For pretty much my entire life I have been justly labled the shy kid. I did not mind the lable since it was true. Now I consider myself quiet but not shy. My freshman year at CSUF helped me break out of my shell a lot. My social skills were horrible and I could barrly hold a non-baseball conversation. I did not do small talk very well and had little desire to do so.
One of my roomates at Campus Crusade for Christ's Winter Conference told me that he had never seen me laugh! That surprised me to say the least. Then I realized that I'm only out of my shell for the most part when I'm hanging out with my close friends. They get to see the real Ryan who likes to have fun and crack the occasional joke. Another person at the conference told me during worship that he had never seen me clap to a song! Do people really think that I'm this boring/unenergetic/shy person? I hope not. Being quiet is not a bad thing but when people don't get to see who I really am, they probably have a perception of me that is not completely accurate.

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

My Birthday/The Journey Has Just Begun

Today is my 20th birthday. I would like to truly thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday over the past couple of days. Getting out of my teenage years is not sad at all. I'm looking forward to what the twenties have to bring. Usually the 20-29 year age period brings decisions that will impact the course of the rest of your life.
I was hanging out with my friend Jen recently and she asked me what my life story was. I didn't really know how to answer that. I feel that my story is almost just beggining. That's not to say that nothing interesting has happened over the last 20 years, but there is so much that I have not experienced yet. In my twenties I expect to graduate from college, get married, have kids, get a full-time job, and lots of other things. Who knows when those things are going to happen but I hope that they do.
Recently I have been worrying about my future since I'm pretty clueless about my future occupation. When I was younger I dreamed about being a professional baseball player. I loved the game so much that I couldn't imagine myself doing anything else with the rest of my life. If my life was completely mapped out by me I would have been a 1st round draft pick out of high school, played minor league ball for 3-4 years, play in the major leagues for about 20 years, be elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame, then retire and spend time with my family. That did not work out to say the least. After not making my high school's baseball team my freshman year I had to seriously evaluate where my life was going. I thought that since I was going to have to get a regular (non-baseball) job I might as well make as much money as possible since the whole rationale behind getting a job is to make money. I used to want to be a entreprenuer. I started reading business books and even started a subscription to an entreprenuer magazine. That aspiration died when I decided I was going to be a teacher. Murrieta Valley High School required every student to have at least 40 hours of community service. I had about 12 going into the second semester of my senior year. I thought it would be a good idea to work at an elementry school for a couple hours everyday for 5 days a week and I would be done in a few weeks. I worked in my friend Shawn's mom's 3rd grade class. I loved it! I enjoyed helping out the kids with their math and reading. I got to know some of the kids pretty well and would play sports with them during recess and lunch. I couldn't wait till I got my own classroom! Then during my first year of college that dream slowly died like the rest of them. I just lost my passion/excitement for teaching. Recently I have been mulling over the possibility of being a Campus Crusade for Christ staff person. I'm not sure if I want to go in that direction. But crusade is one of the only things that I'm truly passionate about. We will see where God leads me.

Monday, January 1, 2007

Emotions

Hey Everyone (anyone)! This is my first entry ever. I hope you enjoy reading it. I will try to update it every so often. I'm going to use this website to get stuff off of my chest that I wouldn't noramally share with everyone. It's going to be like reality tv but more insightful!

Here we go:

I'm usually a pretty relaxed and emotionally stable person. The past few days have almost been rollercoaster like in terms of my emotions. There are a few reasons why and a few that I don't even know yet. I just got back from Campus Crusade for Christ's annual Winter Conference in San Diego. Going into it I was honestly more interested in hanging out with my friends that growing closer to God. My motive last year was totally different. I didn't like the state that I was in spiritually and desired a radical change. God totally answered my prayers. The main speaker Mike Erre, who is the teaching pastor at Rock Harbor in Costa Mesa, presented the Gospel in a way that I had never heard it before. He talked about the "Revolution of Jesus" and how He is way more interesting than what most people would tell you. He was a nonconformist who went against the grain of the religious elite of His day. Mike spoke at almost all the main sessions and at the men's time. I was deeply impacted by God working through Mike's sermons. I consider him my favorite speaker in the world. He is extremely good at communicating the Gospel in a relevent way. Anyway, this year was not as great to say the least. I don't mean to be a complainer but a lot of the speakers this year were boring! I was excited before the conference because I knew that Mike was coming back but the day before the conference I looked at the conference schedule and noticed that Mike was only speaking on Friday. That bummed me out but I'm not so narrow minded to think that I can only learn from one speaker. I thought Dr. John Hannah was a poor choice to speak to 700ish college age students. If you are going to be having a conference for 18-26 year olds you should probably have some who isn't around 50 years older than most of us. He was not very energetic and I probably would have fallen asleep on multiple occasions if I had a pillow. I don't think he is a bad guy or anything I just think he was a poor choice for a college age conference. He communicated Gospel truths which is the most important thing but I feel like someone else could have said the same exact words and I would have gotten more out of it.
Like I was saying earlier my emotions were up and down. I think a lot had to do with the fact that I only got about 8 hours of sleep during the 1st couple of days. It seems like I get apathetic and cynical when I don't get a decent amount of sleep. I enjoyed hanging out with my friends but sometimes I would question if they really wanted to hang out with me at all. Sometimes I feel like I can be a drag or a downer since I'm fairly quiet. I'm very fortunate to have some awesome friendships that I value more than almost anything. I value them so much because I have not always had a decent amount of solid frienships. In high school I hung out with people who at the time I would probably describe as friends but in reality were nothing more than acquintances. The biggest reason for the fluctuation of my emotions was most likely
because I was comparing it to last year. The changes that happened in my life last year are still evident in my life right now. I hope all of you can experience something as life changing in your life if you have not already.

Thanks for reading my 1st entry. I genuinley appreciate you checking this out.